pictures from a day // (From my Old Blog Post Drafts)

(Starting from 2025): 

Hello Friends!

This is one of the old posts in my drafts that has been sitting gathering digital dust for years! It was fully written and edited years ago, so I decided to just post it. 

2019 was a fun year where I just started to feel like an adult (I was 21, but due to my sheltered upbringing, I didn't really "feel" adult like until 2019 onward). In any case, this is one of those good memories from before the pandemic craziness that I got good pictures of, edited by VSCO! I hope you enjoy -

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Location : Main Street, St. Charles, MO
Day : Sunday, August 4th, 2019
Company : My sister

--

A worn brick wall //

My sister always likes this particular wall, so depending on what she's wearing, we will take pictures whenever we come here.

Hanging Plants //

The window was too aesthetic to pass up :3

Coffee //

Our blended coffees were melting pretty fast so we could've just gotten iced coffees and there wouldn't have been a difference *shrug*

Chandelier //

Upstairs at one of the vintage shops, the attic was all decorated with old lighting, old bed frames, and old looking wallpaper. It was also super hot up there.

Bookshelf //

It smelled really good and old and papery right here. :3

Mirror //

Another one of the many cute shops on that street.

Plants //

"Wait, stop right there, let me get a pic the plants are really pretty..."

Aquarius //

The embroidery was really cute. They had all the signs, including this Aquarius which is my sign (p.s. I don't do horoscope or anything like that fyi... I just like stars and constellations. :3).

Hello? //

We found a rotary phone in an antique shop. We tried to call mom but it didn't work.

That's all. I just wanted to share a few pics from our day.
Hope you guys are doing good.

~ Amaris // ☆

Coffee

When I was a teenager (through most of the 2010s), I saw coffee as one two things:

1) The sweet kind of coffee drinks for basic white girls

2) The black coffee for working blue collar people and, like, i don't know, farmers and truck drivers.

Based on my experience, the coffee from the second group didn't taste too good. I had had a sip of it here and there, but never thought much of it, or just thought it was icky. My mom sometimes talked about this coffee, and how she "needed the caffeine to get through the day". So I supposed at the time it was some kind of magic energy pill drink that helped you get by when you had gotten less than ideal amount of sleep the night before.

In my late teens/early 20s, I sorta started falling into the first category. 

Like any teen fresh outta childhood, I liked a good sweet treat that had the "grown up" feeling because there was coffee in it. 

So, I went to a few Starbucks, had a few Frappuccino's. I kind of WAS a basic white girl for awhile... I'll post a pic to prove it... (The drink in this photo doesn't even have "coffee" in it...)

... the only thing missing was a T Swift obsession (who I disliked then and even more now, LOL) - I was in Chesterfield MO here. 

Picasso's coffee was a staple locally owned coffee shop in Saint Charles (near where I lived in Hazelwood at the time) and so I would sometimes go there, because hey! They had the popular icy blended drinks too - but their own version. I didn't care so much that they were locally made, I just thought it was something different than Starbucks to have sometimes. 

Additionally, I didn't go out of my way to MAKE any coffee ever. I didn't have a coffee machine (I think we HAD one, in the household, but it was just a typical drip Mr. Coffee maker that the family could use. I may have used it once or twice but it wasn't a ritual for me), and I didn't have any other contraption to make coffee. Heck, I didn't even know there existed different contraptions to make coffee. 

Here I am at Picasso's, on Christmas Eve 2018... drinking my frozen drink IN THE WINTER XD

In other words, there was black coffee, but it was mostly yucky. And then there were milkshake-like "coffee" drinks that somehow had coffee in it, and because of all the flavorings and sweeteners, it didn't taste quite so yucky. So when I DID get coffee, this is the type I would get. 

That was the entire scope of my coffee understanding as of 2020!

And then..... 2021 happened. 

And everything changed. 

It started when I was hanging out this with this guy who was my friend. He had recently started experimenting with his coffee tastes before meeting me. He and I did lots of things together (not as dates... but as friends. But believe me, we did get questioned XD). We started hanging out to go on walks, and we also enjoyed studying scripture together. And what better place to study scripture than coffee shops? 

So one day in April of 2021, he takes me to Upshot Coffee Brake Shop in St. Charles. 

At Upshot, during one of our early studies. You can even see his bible open in the background. We were just friends and, unknowingly, had started on the adventure of a lifetime.

And I had my first SPECIALTY, well-made latte ever. When I tell you, my world was changed. It was from that first sip that I finally understood - that coffee was not all that I had supposed it was. That coffee was not as limited a concept as I thought it was. There were possibilities here. There was... how shall I say it, flavor. 

GOOD flavor. 

My friend and I continued to hang out. We went to other coffee shops too. I discovered that black coffee, when actually brewed well, actually TASTED good. Frequent words used to describe black coffee that I had heard and also used myself, such as "burnt tasting", "bitter", "dirty", no longer applied. 

At Upshot. One of our many coffee scripture studies together. Building a foundation of scripture for our marriage - and a love for good coffee!

When brewed correctly, I now knew new words to describe the many different notes that can be found in different regions of coffee - "chocolate", "berry", "citrus", "oat", "nuts", "toffee", "jasmine", "raspberry", "caramel", "smoke", "herbs", "date", "cherry", etc., you name it!

And I even further learned, that it did not just matter how it was brewed, but also how it was sourced, WHERE in the world it was sourced, and also HOW it was roasted.

Basically, I learned that every single step of bringing coffee to the cup makes a difference in how it will taste. 

At Course Coffee Roasters. This is a cortado with sparkling water.

From the region it was grown in, to the temperature used to brew, to how LONG you wait to consume it AFTER it was brewed... EVERYTHING makes a difference. 

So it was no longer a wonder for me that there are so many coffee cups out there that frankly taste disgusting because they don't get it right on just ONE (or more) of those levels!

I know I am sounding like a total cringe-y millennial know-it-all coffee hipster. But when you think about the complexity. All the layers. All the expertise. There are so many ways you can get coffee "wrong". But when you get it all RIGHT... you get something truly beautiful and at the least, eye opening. 

This is at Quarrelsome Coffee, in 2023-ish (they have since sadly closed) with a pastry they sourced from Knead Bakehouse

But let's get back to my story. Me and this guy (who, I'll just spoil the story for you, did end up dating me later in the Summer of 2021, and yes, we eventually got married, and yes, he is the one I call my husband now!) continued to visit coffee shops because we both realized that our understanding of the subject was beginning to broaden in ways we hadn't imagined before. 

At Upshot, in Summer of 2021. With Cody!

You could really call this the "golden age of coffee" for me and Cody. 

We were trying new places and developing our palates for the stuff. And through it all, we were growing close the Lord and close to each other, even falling in love. 

At Course Coffee Roasters - shortly after we started officially dating, Summer 2021

It was in the Summer of 2021 that we discovered the coffee shop that would become more dear to us than any others we had visited thus far, or any that we would visit after. The coffee shop that was so consistent with their coffee drinks, and was so hospitable in their kindness, that it became a second home to us of sorts.

As my relationship with my soon-to-be husband deepened, my troubled relationship with my own family began to deteriorate. GOD was pulling me one way, and my family another. Without going into the nitty gritty of it all, it got to the point where it was so bad that I needed to leave my own home. I lived in my fiance's basement for awhile, having nowhere else to go. 

On our wedding day at Course Coffee Roasters - April 2022. Photos by Mary Ann Prahlow

In those darkened days of Winter, 2021-2022, we found a place of solace and comfort in the seats of Course Coffee Roasters. 

We met there to continue getting to know each other, while praying and honestly stressing about the complexities of our situation. All the while, Course Coffee was a safe place when I didn't have a home, and didn't feel at home almost anywhere. 

At home at Course Coffee Roasters, St. Charles MO.

Finally, my fiance and I got a place of our own in March of 2022, just a month before our scheduled wedding. The stress of life and the stress of our family's situations started to ease. 

In April of 2022, we got married! It was joyful and happy, although scary and uncertain in other ways due to the family issues. 

On our wedding day, at Course Coffee Roasters (photos by Mary Ann Prahlow)

But aside - to honor Course Coffee, and because we just freaking loved the place and their coffee (and coffee in general) so much, we had our "first look" right outside the shop, and even had some pictures taken inside the shop.

Our wedding day, after our first look. At Course Coffee Roasters (photos by Mary Ann Prahlow)

For our honeymoon, instead of a "honeymoon", we decided to have a "Coffee Moon". 

We took two weeks off, and decided to go to as many coffee shops around the St. Louis and St. Charles area as we could. 

At Maypop Coffee & Garden Shop in Webster Groves, MO (a really nice neighborhood in our area!). This was taken during our Coffee Moon in 2022.

It was an absolute BLAST! If you are ever near St. Louis, believe me, you have GOT to visit some of them. There are so many wonderful shops here! We are quite the coffee scene, and for most of my life, I had no idea! 

The top contenders in this area are (as of now, and in my opinion):

• Sump Coffee (probably my top rec in the City)
• Goshen Coffee
• Course Coffee Roasters (obviously)
• Honorable Mention: Quarrelsome Coffee - they are closed now :( But they were one of the best in StL! 
• Maypop Coffee & Garden Shop
• Coma Coffee Roasters

Taken at Sump Coffee - probably my favorite coffee shop other than Course. Especially the interior decor and design! This was taken I believe 2021 or 2022.

 

Not surprisingly, when we had our first child, the first place we took him after coming home from the hospital, was Course Coffee. 

Cody the new dad - and Malachi the new son! in June 2023 at Course Coffee Roasters.

And, as all of my knowledge of good coffee evolved, of course my home brewing evolved as well. 

Currently we have a small espresso machine, a French press, and an Aeropress. I personally use the Aeropress every day for my home iced lattes (using beans from Course Coffee of course). 

I also frequently experiment with coffee syrups to add to my lattes. My current favorite is a syrup made with sugar, water, molasses, cardamom, cocoa powder, almond extract, vanilla extract, and cinnamon. It's quite delightful!

At Road Crew Coffee & Cycles during our Coffee Moon in 2022

While I mainly make iced lattes at home (and the occasional black coffee), my favorite go-tos to get out are:

• Traditional Cappuccino 
• Traditional Cortado
• Cold Brew
• Nitro Cold Brew
• Traditional Espresso Tonic

If you had told me in 2018 that my life would become so intertwined with the love and knowledge of coffee and my romance love story with my husband would be so involved with coffee, I would not have believed you. 

At Course Coffee Roasters - doing more Bible study. This was late 2021 early 2022 about.

It's something truly unique in my life, that I love both independently and with my husband together as well! I'm so glad that coffee is so much more to me than "icky black stuff" or "sickeningly sweet milkshake stuff". It has truly brought a richness and joy to my life that wouldn't be there otherwise. 

And the cool thing is too, that coffee is so many different things to different people! 

At Calvin Fletchers Coffee Company, which we stopped at on a road trip passing through Indianapolis, IN, in 2024. It was a worthy pit stop!

To the basic white girls, iced frozen sweet coffee is still something for them. Coffee is something for the trucker on the road at 5am. Coffee is something for breakfast, it's an after-dinner delight. It's an afternoon pick-me-up. Ther's something for dairy-free people and dairy-loving people. It's something for true coffee hipsters to brag about. It's something to the people of St. Charles who support their local shop. It's something to the people around the world where coffee is sourced, as a source of income for them. Heck, there's even something for non-caffeine drinkers, with decaf! It's a multi-faceted thing that means so much to so many. 

And for me, while my story is one among many, it just means a lot to me too.

Preparing for the birth of my son, March 2022 at Course Coffee Roasters.

So that's my story of coffee! My husband and I still share coffee drinking as a common "love language". We still go to Course Coffee all the time. We still try new shops here and there, though not as much as we used to, what with having a toddler now!

I hope my story inspires you to try your own local shops in your area, and develop your taste for this wonderful, versatile beverage. 

The first latte I ever had at Course Coffee Roasters, this was in 2021. It was a seasonal drink they had called a "Golden Compass", it had turmeric and black pepper and was delightful!

If you need a place to start, I would recommend checking out on YouTube:

• Morgan Drinks Coffee / Morgan Eckroth
• James Hoffman
• Ethan Rode

To name a few favorites!

Farewell now, and thank you for reading!

A beautiful shot by me and my little iPhone, taken at Coma Coffee, most likely in 2022. 

Do you drink coffee? What's your coffee "story"? What is your favorite coffee drink? Let me know in the comments!

- Amaris ☆ //

The Four Things Tag (REVISITED)

Hello Friends,

As of late, I have been reminiscing on this old blog and looking at some old posts. 

That's when I came across this post, The Four Things Tag, which I published in October of 2018! Which was quite a long time ago. 

I thought it would be fun to revisit these questions to see how my life and my preferences have changed. 

So without further ado, here are my New Answers: 

 ❊ The Four Things Tag  ❊

~*~*~*~

❊ Four Jobs I've Had ❊

~ The Home Depot (all different positions!)

~ Bowlero (bartending was my favorite position at that job!)

~ Michael's (my very first job, cashiering)

~ A graphic design and logo embroidery small business in Creve Coeur

Me in 2021 at my Home Depot store! I have lots of good memories there :)

❊ Four Things I Don't Eat ❊

~ Junk food (except maybe twice a year... and I always regret it XD)

~ Red Dye 40 (or any artificial dyes - when I can help it!)

~ Ultra processed foods

~ Candy

(Are any of the above even "Foods"?? Lol)

❊ Four Places I've Lived ❊

~ Childhood home in Hazelwood, MO

~ Small Apartment in Creve Coeur, MO (I had to look up how to spell "Creve Coeur" I still don't even know XD)

~ My fiance's basement (for a short time - we're married now Lol) in St. Charles, MO

~ (Current): Two Bedroom Apartment in St. Charles, MO

My beloved spice shelves at our current apartment here in St. Charles, MO! I installed them myself using hobby boards from Home Depot. I am quite proud of them.

❊ Four of my Favorite Foods ❊

~ Pretty much ANY curry (but Butter Chicken is a fave - It's probably the ultimate white people favorite of Indian food LOL)

~ Grass Fed Steak (especially during menstruation or the luteal phase!)

~ Seafood of any kind (especially scallops and salmon)

~ Nourish Bowls of any kind (Pictured is this bowl here)

Recipe is from Peace Love Hormones

❊ Four Movies I've Watched More Than Once ❊

~ Julie & Julia

~ The Incredibles

~ The Founder

~ Twilight (my husband and I rewatch the movies every year for his bday!)

From Julie & Julia (2009)

❊ Four TV Shows I Watch ❊

~ Breaking Bad (rewatch every 5 years)

~ Avatar: The Last Airbender (you can't beat perfection)

~ The Office (ongoing, all the time)

~ Legend of Korra

"I believe, Aang can save the world"

❊ Four Things I'm Looking Forward To This Coming Year ❊

~ New business opportunities

~ Learning to can (I canned a few things last year with a friend, I'm going to learn how to do it myself next month so I can can whatever and whenever I want!)

~ More time having fun with my son (continual and ongoing since I quit my job)

~ Cooking new things all the time!

❊ Four Things I Can't Live Without ❊

~ My Bidet! Seriously I don't know how I existed without it! BEST $30 I ever spent!

~ My Dutch oven, I use this one weekly to make my boule shaped sourdough!

~ My Study Bible I've had since 2011

~ My family (my husband and my son)

My beloved study bible!

❊ Four Places I've Visited ❊

~ Branson, MO

~ Colorado (in 2011, for a family wedding)

~ Florida (in 2003, for another family wedding)

~ San Antonio, Texas (in 2010, related to my Dad's job)

(I need to travel more, LOL)

❊ Four Pet Peeves ❊

~ When people don't clean up after themselves

~ When my house plant is doing well until I change it to a new pot, and then, BOOM. Dead. 

~ When I accidentally get coffee grounds in my coffee while making it. 

~ When I'm JUST about to fall asleep and then my son wakes up in the night.

❊ Four Things I Wish I Could Do ❊

~ Travel more (especially to Europe)

~ Own a house (someday... it's hard for us zillenials)

~ Garden (especially herbs and tomatoes!!)

~ Write better

Me in August of 2021. I had just started dating my future husband :)

❊ Four Subjects I Studied In School ❊

Oh man, school was so long ago LOL. Instead I'll name "four educational topics that interest me"

~ History of Shipwrecks (I listen to a LOT of videos about shipwreck stories, LOL)

~ The size and age of the universe and the curiosities to be found in the cosmos

~ The History of Rome

~ Home economics, since that's basically my life now :)

❊ Four Things Near Me Right Now ❊

~ A Pothos Plant

~ My Son (always, he's 2 Lol)

~ Our Patio

~ My son's climbing triangle

~*~*~*~

Well, there you have it. My answers have definitely evolved a lot! For one, I'm married now, living independently with my husband, and am a mom now! My likes and dislikes have changed a lot, but they've also stayed the same in many ways! 

This was fun. In another 7 years, maybe I'll take it again. I hope I am still blogging then! :)

If you're reading this post, I TAG YOU! :)

- Amaris ☆ //

Grieving the Living

Hello Friends - 

If you have been reading this blog for the past 1-2 years or so, you may recall reading that my husband and our family made the decision to go no contact with a family member awhile back. 

❀ 

This is a topic that has come up several times here on the blog. That fact reflects the reality of my life, in that the processing and grieving is a frequent thing for me.

Every day our north facing windows get just a single gleam of sunlight in the late afternoon. Who better to benefit than my lowly and lovely pothos? 

I won't discuss in detail who the family member was, (though you don't have to be a Pinkerton level detective to piece together who it is based on my past posts, LOL) because this post is about my thoughts not on the person, but on the aftermath, and my journey with forgiveness and the rollercoaster of ups and downs that come with all of it. 

❀ 

The amount of time that has passed since the no-contact decision was made (in 2023) has given me ample time to process it, heal from it, grow from it, as well as feel all the feelings associated with it a million times over. 

❀ 

The feeling that I would never escape the anger and pain was very prominent in the weeks following the initial cutoff. I worried, too, about the fact that I was feeling those feelings in the first place. After all, I don't want to be some unforgiving, angry, embittered individual who hated the memory and impact of this person (who shall henceforth be referred to as "the narc" for ease of writing).

This was taken the same month that I went no contact with the person. We were visiting Webster Groves and had a lovely time with our still-new son.

❀ ❀ ❀ 

But the hope of the situation is that I have learned some very important truths from October 2023 through July 2025: 

❀ I don't need to be worried about the angry and bitter phases of this process ❀ 

It is perfectly appropriate to allow each stage of grief to come and go multiple times over, including the phases where I am angry and feeling resentful. This is a natural and complex part of the grieving process. 

My small child at our favorite coffee shop

❀  The process of grief is not predictable and should not be put on a time limit ❀ 

A huge part of this fact is managing the expectations. I would have expected to be "healed" and "happy" about the whole thing by now. But the reality is, focusing on how long this thing is taking is just distracting from the real work and effort of healing at all. It does me no good to indulge in the disappointment of thinking "Hey! I thought I already healed and forgiven this part!" But instead to extend patience to myself, much like I would extend patience with my toddler, when he has difficult moods, or even my husband. I deserve the same care of patience as they deserve to receive it from me.

Our favorite coffee shop has the coziest and cutest chairs!

❀ Each and every stage of the healing journey can be felt, and should be felt freely ❀ 

But each of the feelings should be felt objectively, and with the understanding that the feelings aren't me. They are passersby. Here today, gone tomorrow. They too, shall pass. My identity is not determined by how I am feeling, but by what I believe, and what the Bible tells me I am in Christ.

❀ Working through feelings of anger, bitterness, and even un-forgiveness isn't a "sin" problem ❀ 

In fact, it's a reflection of the feeling nature that GOD made us as emotional beings, in HIS image! Now don't get me wrong, intentionally choosing to indulge in these feelings can be problematic, and at times, sinful. But allowing them to pass through me and around me, being an observer, is normal and an important part of understanding that I am not those feelings! 

Upshot Coffee Brake Shop

❀ Hope and progress is evidenced by the fact that every time I complete a phase of anger, I am more healed when it is over ❀ 

If I were to over-occupy myself in worrying about and micromanaging the times that I feel angry, then I would be too caught up in self-correcting myself and miss the opportunities to learn what GOD has for me in that phase. 

❀ I've come to acknowledge and accept that in the larger picture, the pain won't ever go away fully, but life will just get bigger around it ❀ 

After all, what is life full of, besides this pain of loss? 

I get to:

• Focus on and spend time with the people who really know me.
• Focus on getting to know myself, and watching my hobbies, interests, and values evolve with time.
• Try new things intentionally, and not be complacent in ways that are not healthy or helpful for progress.
• Focus on improving my own mentalities about life with self-reflection and self-examination, because not tolerating the narc's behavior, means that I also should not tolerate it in myself.
• Get closer to GOD who made me, and allowed me all the feelings that come with a complicated situation.

❀ ❀ ❀ 

Well friends, that's all for now. 

The thoughts above don't necessarily have to apply to the particular grief I am experiencing with losing a family member that I no longer speak to. 

They can apply to many difficult decisions in life, and any regret. If I've learned anything besides what I talk about above, it's that there are lots of things in life that can cause grief, not just by losing someone. 

So if you are in a season of grieving, or know someone who is (for ANY reason), just know that I'm praying for you. And I hope you are encouraged by the words above!

Until next time - 

p.s. I also wanted to throw out there, that a big part of me learning to heal and grow from the situation is actually, surprisingly, NOT talking about it that much. When everything was fresh, I used to often include it in an introduction to myself, or at least include it in conversation within the first few talks with a person I was getting to know. It was getting to be very "Hi, my name is Amaris and this [Insert Trauma Here] happened to me". Such a drag, right! I came to this realization, and had to stop myself - because the more I was doing that, the more I was making the situation a part of my identity, a part of me. And the last thing I want to do is let this all develop into a victim mentality. 

Maybe, just maybe, I don't even need to talk about this until, like, I don't know, I'm at a much deeper level of friendship with people I trust and who would benefit from hearing my story. 

Revolutionary, I know. I'm learning! And that's all I can do. 

All that to say... after this post, I'm planning to not mention it very much here on the blog, if at all. Because... at this point, why? Yes, it played a part in making me who I am. But there are so much MORE and BETTER things that have made me who I am. Things that have determined what I enjoy today. Things that determine what I believe in today. Things that make me... me today. 

So my intention is to focus on these things instead, for the most part. That is not to say, that I don't plan to talk about difficult things in my life I'm going through. I do plan on that, and will do so, because otherwise I don't think this blog would be an authentic representation of my thoughts that it always has been or that I desire it to be! 

I just want to have discernment with how much I put out there, how often, and keeping in mind WHO I am choosing to become by how little or how much I talk about it. 

There, that's all for real this time. NOW I'm done. Ok, go enjoy the rest of your day. :)

- Amaris ☆ //

Everything's Boring Now ...

... A Rant :)

 “I had no idea how much these quiet pleasures had retreated for my life while I was rushing around, and now I’m inviting them back in: still, rhythmic work with the hands, the kind of light concentration that allows you to dream, and the sense of a kindness done in the process”

- Wintering, by Katherine May 

I recently cancelled my Apple Music subscription to save money (following our decision to quit my full time job, as detailed in this post). 

As a result, on my way to work twice a week, I have resorted to listening to a total of 3 Owl City CD's that I obtained as a teenager. They have lived in the little in-between-the front-seats-compartment (I don't know what that compartment is called, LOL) in all my cars since my first Buick when I was 17. 

Even though the days of CD's are long over, I just never got rid of them. Partially because of sentiment (after all, Owl City Ocean Eyes was the first album I ever listened to that wasn't completely and obviously "Christian", and paved the way for me to experiment with music until I have the tastes that I do today), and partially because I was just too lazy/or didn't care to. 

The albums are Ocean Eyes, Mobile Orchestra, and Maybe I'm Dreaming, and even though these albums in their digital form are apart of my Apple Music Library, I haven't listened to them in their entirety in a long time. 

So I was surprised to find that, when listening to them for the first time in my car on the way to work, how utterly enjoyable it was. How happy it made me! 

It got me thinking... why is it that when I have unlimited options - a digital arsenal of practically every song I could ever dream of listening to - I am so much more... stressed?? Overwhelmed? Unsatisfied? Some of my favorite songs are on Apple Music that I can access, after all. But a lot of times, I won't even listen to the whole song. I'll listen through the first chorus, then skip!

I think a huge reason for the decline in many people's mental health in recent years is the introduction of unlimited media. But not just music. YouTube has every video about every topic you could ever imagine. Streaming services have practically every movie and show that you could ever care to watch. Social Media has every profile of almost every person you know, with endless updates about their lives, and endless opinions on politics, pop culture, health, parenting.... etc. 

Don't get me wrong, this is great and all. This is all very valuable and helpful in it's own way. 

But it's not just the problem of decision paralysis from all the unlimited choices and information overwhelm, something that I believe our brains weren't designed to handle in the first place. No, it's also the fact that we are all being robbed blind by subscription services. 

Think about it. A year of my Apple Music subscription cost me $10.99 x 12 months = about $130 bucks. 

You are telling me, after paying A HUNDRED AND THIRTY DOLLARS - that if I cancel the "subscription", I don't have the choice or the option to access ANY of my favorite songs anymore? 

So in essence, nothing is really MINE. Nothing is OWNED. 

In the olden days, you bought a CD, and then that CD was yours FOREVER. Even my Owl City CDs, TO THIS DAY are still MINE! I can still play them, I don't have to continue paying to continue enjoying them, and what's more, the songs aren't going to change if the world decides it's offensive for some reason for 10 years. 

So while driving along hearing my CD and having my thoughts. I thought to myself - this is the life to strive for. 

A life that owns instead of rents. A life that is grateful for what I have, which isn't everything in the world ever. 

There is no striving for everything I can't have, because I'm content with what I do have. And what I DO have, I'm grateful for and I take care of. 

A life that doesn't dull the pain of the mundane with hits of dopamine just to get by and feed the need of more more MORE. 

Because here's the thing ... the internet never ends. If I have an addiction to scrolling, here's the scary thing. There is no end to it. There is no limit. You could literally go on, and on and on. But it will never fully satisfy! 

I remember when I was a young teenager and I was getting into nail art (side note.... my mom didn't approve of the nail art. She thought nails should only be painted red, pink, or nude colors only. When I tried different colors such as purple as well as designs, she was gravely disapproving! I have no idea why, but it makes me chuckle today. LOL), I remember I would log onto Pinterest, which was still new and hot at the time, and search "nail art". And I WOULD ACTUALLY EVENTUALLY SCROLL TO THE "BOTTOM" OF THE PAGE because that was the END of the search results for "nail art"!!!! Nowadays, that just doesn't happen. 

It is my belief that a big learning curve for my generation (Gen Z, or the micro-generation, "Zillenial") was how to manage our own screen time, because it's not something our parents grew up with. 

As a new mom, I see plenty of online advice about not letting your kid have too much screen time, because there's actually some research on the subject now. 

But I'm still struggling with my OWN screen time, after 10+ years of cultivated habits from when I was a social media and internet-using teenager! My generation's parents didn't know how to deal with this phone stuff, because it all became available after they were adults.

It's something that I want to better in myself, so that I can raise my child with the tools he needs to be self disciplined. 

This is ONE of the reasons that I have avowed myself to start blogging more and regularly. To, in a sense, bring back the enjoyment of "slow internet". I have no idea if anyone still even reads my blog. Every one is out watching short form videos! Including myself, at times! 

But I want to get back to the slow, methodical, even ritualistic practice of the delayed gratification type of media, the type that takes awhile to put together, that helps me share thoughts and even understand my own values while I type them out. It takes practice, and honestly, a whole lot of unlearning and RE-learning. But I think it's worth it! 

Well, friends, that is all. This was a rather rambly, rant/vent sort of post. It was something that came to mind for me recently after actually giving up some things that I used to have "limited" options of. It got me thinking and so I wanted to share. If you haven't taken a break from your subscriptions lately, I recommend you give it a try! It might be "boring" for a bit, but that's where you start to see the magic! Not to mention your wallet will thank you. 

What are your thoughts on this topic? Do you think that the introduction of streaming and the "unlimited" nature of the internet, has ultimately improved society or harmed it? 

Until next time :)