Friday, July 19, 2019

Sunshine Blogger Award ☆ (warning : wordy)

Hello, friends!
Emily from Altogether Unexpected tagged me for the Sunshine Blogger Award! I kind of feel like I've maybe done this tag before, but I don't really care if I have because, 1. I'm too lazy to search my published posts and see if any post comes up under "sunshine", and 2. I wouldn't care anyways because the questions change with each blogger!
With that said, here we go!

Below are the rules for this award:
  1. Thank the blogger who nominated you and provide a link back to their blog so others can find them. See above! :)
  2. List the rules and display an award logo on your blog post.
  3. Answer the 11 questions the blogger asked you.
  4. Nominate 11 new blogs to receive the award and notify them by commenting on any of their posts. I can already tell you it's not going to be 11 bloggers XD
  5. Ask the nominees 11 new questions.
The Questions:

In what city were you born?
St. Louis, born & raised, and still living here. I've always liked STL!

Which book made you a bibliophile?
All of them. Haha, just kidding. But for real, there was no single book that created a love for reading in me. My love for books really began to take off when I was around 12-14, and some of the most notable books that I enjoyed during that time were the Anne of Green Gables series (which I adored), The Lord of the Rings trilogy, and Elizabeth George Speare's books (she only wrote four in her lifetime.. which I am forever remorseful about).

Photo Credit: Me
What is your favorite film?
FOR-REST. GUMP. (*claps on each syllable for emphasis*)
Seriously tho, it's the best, in my opinion. At least so far. There are so many amazing movies out there that I have yet to see.

What is your favorite Bible verse?
I don't really have one specific verse. The LORD has used so many unique and wonderful passages in my life during the last few months to speak to me in a special way.
A few that have been close to my heart lately are:

The righteous cry, and the LORD hears
And delivers them out of all their troubles.
The LORD is near to the brokenhearted
And saves those who are crushed in spirit.
Psalm 34:17-18

Many plans are in a man's heart,
But the counsel of the LORD will stand.
Proverbs 19:21

Photo Credit: Me
Favorite episode of Sherlock? (I know you have all seen it)
UUugh I can't even really talk about my favorite episode cause I know I'm gonna spoil it.   O.o
But I loooove the one in Series 4: The Lying Detective. I haven't seen that particular episode in awhile but the acting is so brilliant and the plot so riveting it gives me chills just remembering it. The Final Problem was also astounding. Stunning. Awesome. Just... all the amazing adjectives. Bless that show.

First foreign country?
I haven't traveled much; I went to Niagara Falls when I was, like, 5. So, Canada. That's it. I'd love to go to Paris someday.

Favorite food?
That's a very hard question! I have many foods I like. The LORD has been laying it on my heart to eat healthier the past few months, so my tastes have all rather changed! I still love me a good bowl of ice cream. And I've been cooking more, so homemade foods are always good. I love cooking with limes. Just, anything that has lime juice in it, I love.

British accents or Scottish accents?
I can't really say because I haven't heard enough of Scottish to distinguish it from British. I can tell you this, however: whenever I watch a show with a British accent I have to put on subtitles. *shrug*

First Marvel film?
I tried Captain America a few years ago and *hated* it. In fact, I kinda hate the whole Marvel franchise. I feel like it's just a big money-maker anyways. But there are some things I like. Spider-Man, for one. Take any Spider-Man and I could watch it on any evening chilling at my apartment and that would be an enjoyable time for me. Any other Marvel movie.. can't say the same thing.
But anyways, to answer the question, the first Marvel movie was Captain America, but the first one I liked was the first Spider-Man with Tobey Maguire.

Who is your favorite British actor/actress?
Aiden Turner // Ross Poldark. I never thought he was great as Kili, and then when I saw him as Ross I was absolutely sure of it. The man was BORN to play Ross. UuGgh I just get chills thinking of how freaking good he is as Ross. Let me put it this way; you haven't gotten the full Aiden Turner experience until you've seen him as Ross Poldark.
With that being said, here are a few notable others:
Helena Bonham Carter (A dazzling and uniquely lovely woman of the industry)
Benedict Cumberbatch (because Sherlock and The Imitation Game)
Among others. I know I'm probably forgetting a few that I love.

Photo Credit: Me
When did you start blogging, and why?
When I was around 16-17, my best friend told me about Hayden Wand's then current blog, The Story Girl. If you can believe it, at the time I didn't really know what a blog was. But I started reading Hayden's and soon others, and became fascinated with the book-reading, period drama-watching, story-writing girls who put their thoughts and little tags on blogs to share with their small corners of the internet world. I thought "I like to write, I like to read, I like period dramas. This looks rather fun, I could do it." I was a bit nervous to start and wanted my writing to be like everyone else' I read, so I set everything up and published my first post in September of 2015 (here it is if you're interested notice how much different and rather fake and airy the writing is compared to now because back then I was writing like all the blogs I loved because I didn't know how to express my own voice [which I'm still learning, btw]).
So yeah. I've been blogging since without being consistent at all, but I think I've come a long way, and I'm happy with my current 30 followers. It's never been about numbers for me; I definitely wanted the bloggers I loved most to love my blog (namely Naomi Sarah from Wonderland Creek and Hayden Wand from her blog back then The Story Girl), but as the years have gone by and God has taught me many things about the various social medias I have been apart of, it doesn't really matter who loves me or my writing and who doesn't.
I'm blogging and writing what I want to say because I enjoy it and God sometimes speaks to my heart things to write. Maybe you're encouraged by what you read here, maybe you're not. I will keep blogging until the LORD says stop. <3

Well that turned into a huge backstory, haha.

But anywho, that is the end of the list of questions from Emily! Thank you again, Emily! :)

For this award, I nominate:
Tessa // This Great Adventure
Natalie // Starry Eyes
Abbie // Chronicles in Bloom
Lissa // An Attempt to be Classic
Mary Liz // Sunshine and Scribblings
Rachel // A Girl's Place

I'm very behind on my blog-reading (I've got all I can handle just to post on my own blog every once in awhile, haha), so I don't know if any of the above bloggers have answered the questions for this award before! If you have, feel free to skip. Or you can do the award again with my questions!

Here are my 11 questions: 
1. What is your favorite season of the year and why?
2. What do you want to be "when you grow up"? (and if you're already grown up, what are you doing or what do you want to do someday?)
3. What's the most obscure and unique song you love to listen to?
4. Do you prefer sunshine or rain better? (I expect a detailed explanation as to why you feel the way you do! *insert intellectual emoji here*)
5. How do you usually listen to music (Spotify, YouTube, Google Play, Apple Music, etc.)?
6. Favorite black-and-white 'old timey' movie?
7. A fun fact that most people don't know about you?
8. Best memory of 2019 so far?
9. What's your favorite thing to do on the internet?
10. What's the longest you've ever gone without internet?
11. What's the most obscure piece of information you remember from school?

Photo Credit: Me
~ Amaris // ☆

Friday, July 12, 2019

The Flower Fades

I don't know about the rest of you guys, but so far 2019 has been crazy for me. I don't mean bad, necessarily... well, a lot of it has been, unfortunately, bad. But a lot of it is good.
And a lot of it is neither good nor bad, just different.
I'm trying to keep up with it all, to be honest. 
There's too many changes.

The most recent change being... I lost my job at the embroidery place that I have worked for 2 years.
Oh, don't worry- I didn't get FIRED exactly. They just had to let me go because the business is (sadly) dying. Our owner was busy trying to run another business, and as a result we weren't able to get the maintenance we needed to fix certain issues that were keeping us from getting business, such as faulty phone lines, faulty (and very old) email accounts, our software which was infected with a virus, among other things.
It's a sad way to end, but that's the way it is sometimes.
Businesses die.
The strong becomes weak.
The rich become poor.
The first become last.

Everything changes.

I think there's a sort of brain complex that people get- I'm not sure the psychological term (or if there even is one), but I feel like the human mind tends to think as if things will never change. Oh, we believe that change exists, and we even look forward to it at times. We are not surprised when the season of the year changes, or when we buy a new device, or when we get a new haircut. We look forward to and even plan for those changes.

But I think when certain things actually do change, we're caught off guard.
Especially when the things we thought never would change, do. Like relationships. You're with someone you love, and you imagine as you laugh together that things will always be this way. But chances are they won't. Time goes on and you watch them become a stranger. Changes like that are a unique level of pain. And yet, they are surprisingly freeing..?
I don't know. It's weird to think about.

Anyways, that's happened a lot with me this year. Literally every month so far in 2019, there has been a change so in my life. Some of them quite major.
Being let go of this job being one of the major ones, especially since it was unexpected.

There is a verse in the Bible that I think of during times of change.

"The grass withers, the flower fades, but the word of our GOD will stand forever." Isaiah 40:8

Rather poetic, isn't it? It is sad, yet hopeful. That is the way with most seasons of change. It is sad, and often a very difficult time, but where would we be if we never moved on? How would we learn, grow, and flourish, if we are never torn from our comfortable cubby holes? (am i channeling Gandalf's energy right now..? i don't know.. but if i am, it wouldn't be a bad thing).

Life isn't meant to stagnate. It's meant to flow and change course and ripple... like a stream on a spring day.

I will always look back fondly on that job. It wasn't even like a job. I never clock-watched there. I never wondered or waited impatiently for my "shift" to end because there were no shifts. I went to that old house in the morning and opened everything up, and at closing time I closed everything down and locked the door behind me. I didn't pay attention to the time there because I loved all my various tasks there and never wondered when or wished I would be finished.

If it was a slow day (the kind which increasingly grew towards the end of my employment), I would do my Bible study or read a book at the front counter, stashing it away if a customer came up the front steps.
While being employed there I went through some of the hardest times of my life, and some days I loved being at work more than I loved being at my own cramped home. They say home is where your heart is most happy and comfortable. If that is true, my job was my home.
So, in a way, I've left not two, but three homes in the last year and a half.
Take the emotional (and physical toll) that moving once puts on a person, and triple it. Now you can understand why my heart feels like I've lost a dear friend.

I'm only 21, but honestly I feel so old
What will I feel like at 71, I wonder.

I know I care about things too much. I put care and love into things and then it changes or gets taken away. Why do I do that to myself? It's as if I like letting myself down. To quote Michael Scott: "I am ready to get hurt again."

Last year, Owl City (one of my favorite musical artists since I was 16) finally came out with a new long- awaited album, Cinematic. One of the songs was "Firebird", and in it there is a lyric:

Tell me why I look back, and I want to cry,
Sometimes I feel like we grew up too fast.
You and I had the time of our younger lives,
Sometimes I sigh and think about the past.

But it's alright, 'cause everything changes.

If 2019 keeps up like this, I think I might have to name those lines the official lyrics to describe my 2019. We'll see when I post my new year's post in December. *shrug*

Well anyways.
I'm gonna end this post now. It's admittedly sappy and sad and if it's all the same to you I think I'll just post this and forget I ever wrote it.
It is a lovely evening. It's summertime and almost twilight and the sunlight is streaming through my window, casting golden stripes onto my stacks of books on top of my dresser. So I want to go take a walk in my backyard and enjoy the cool evening temperature.

Here's a picture if it seems like I'm just making the golden sunlight part up to sound even more sappy:

Goodbye, friends.

~ Amaris // ☆

Tuesday, June 25, 2019

Spring // 2019

I got to hang out with my best friend:
It was really good to connect again because our busy lives kept us apart for almost 3 months... which is too long. We also decided to read 'The Circle Series' at the same time (a re-read for me) so that we could compare opinions. It's quite a series to swallow, but I am excited to go through it again.

I went to my third ever baseball game and rather enjoyed it:
Watching baseball in real life is more fun than I remember, and definitely more fun than watching it on TV. Apparently the STL Cardinals haven't been doing well this season; but I wouldn't know. All I know is they creamed the opponent on the night I went with my mom and sister and it was very enjoyable.

I spent a lot of time sick:
I endured a miserable three weeks with nausea, constipation, and jaundice, and it eventually put me in the hospital. They never did figure out what it was, and I got better naturally soon after the hospital visit. Most of the doctors thought it was Hepatitis A, but every time they tested for that it was negative. I am feeling great and I'm back to normal now, so... whatever it was it's gone now *shrug*.

We moved:
This time last year we moved into an apartment, but but as soon as our one year lease was over in May, we moved to a slightly larger (and nicer) townhouse, which I'm very happy with. I have my own room again! And I have a perfect view of the Western sky, and have been enjoying the sunsets every evening I'm home. God has truly blessed me in many ways.

I watched some movies and shows:
Five Feet Apart (2019)
It was ok- but not great. Pretty cliche and melodramatic. I feel like I would've liked it better had I seen it when I was closer to 16, but I'm 21 and it didn't do much for me.

The Office (2005-2013)
Not the cleanest show, and I'll probably not re-watch certain episodes, but it's very funny and extremely quotable. I can see why millions of people like the show. I feel like it's almost worth a one time watch-thru at least. For appropriate audiences. Idk.

Breakthrough (2019)
It was ok. It was kinda surreal watching a movie about an event that happened very close to my own hometown. It wasn't great but it wasn't a bad movie altogether.

Julie & Julia (2009)
What a sweet and heartwarming movie!! I watched it late one night with my mom, who also loved it.  I love Amy Adams soo much! I don't love Meryl Streep as well but she was good in this movie. I think there was a few cuss words but definitely worth a watch.

Smokey & The Bandit (1977)
Kinda funny, a little bit exciting, a tiny bit sweet, overall not really my thing. Sally Field helped a bit, as she is one of my favorite actresses. Overall, probably won't watch again.

The Matrix (1999)
Very intriguing. It wasn't my type of movie, and it didn't "change my life" the way some male family members told me it would, but I can see why it was revolutionary for it's time and why it was a huge hit, and it did get me thinking a little bit. Also I'm a Keanu Reeves fan now. Bless.

The Founder (2016)
SO FRUSTRATING AND UNFAIR. But also good. I loved it an hated it. Ugh.

Julie & Julia (2009)

I started reading books again:
~The Complete Sherlock Holmes, Volume II - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle (currently reading)
~Scarlet - Marissa Meyer (finished)
~Cress - Marissa Meyer (currently reading)
~Sex, Purity, and the Longings of a Girl's Heart - Bethany Beal & Kristen Clark (currently reading)
~Conscience - Andrew David Naselli & J. D. Crowley (currently reading)
~Where We Belong - Lynn Austin (finished!) Here's a post about it.
~The Circle Series - Ted Dekker (just started)

I am writing VBS lessons:
My VBS partner and I will be teaching the VBS lessons at our church again this year- we are teaching from the book of Acts about Paul's second missionary journey! The theme of this year's VBS is Athens - so everything is Greek themed! We're going to wear togas and leaf headpieces. It's coming up soon.. on July 15th. I can't wait!

On June 19th, my favorite job I've ever held had to let me go:
A small post is coming soon about that.

I tried being positive:
A post is coming soon about that as well.

A Few Other Things:
~It rained a lot, and some tornadoes almost tore apart my city. But we survived.
~God is faithful when I am faithless. He's also unchanging.Thank God.
~I have the best friend I could ask for.
~I discovered arguably the greatest most practical YouTube channel for introverts and people with social anxiety (like me...): Charisma on Command. Check it out. The psychology is super intriguing. And there's a recent episode on Keanu Reeves and introversion... i am cri.
~God used 2 Samuel 11-12 and Psalm 32 to change my life.

~Bee Gees "Too Much Heaven". I love those chill vibes. ☀
~Studio Ghibli Piano Music. Perfect for taking a walk with a twilight sunset.
~BTS "Make It Right". Pretty much any BTS song is guaranteed good vibes.
~Queen "Spread Your Wings". A newly 'discovered' Queen song for me.

Spring Words:

☆ // Amaris // ☆

How was your Spring? Did you do anything you've never done before? What has God done in your life lately?

Friday, June 14, 2019

Where We Belong // Lynn Austin

I just finished the book and wrote the review on Goodreads, when I decided to post it here as well. 

My Review:
Overall, the book wasn't my favorite Lynn Austin book. She is such a good writer, and I admire so much of her work. This book wasn't badly written. It wasn't boring. It wasn't frustrating.
It just wasn't great.
It wasn't 'Hidden Places', it wasn't 'Wonderland Creek', and in my opinion the execution of each character's backstory was better carried out in 'Eve's Daughters' than in 'Where We Belong'.
This book was special in it's own way, and had it's heart-wrenching, heart-warming, lovely and moving moments that left me thanking God that He is the way He is. Yes, this is a fiction story. But God is very real. His love is the realest thing you can experience.
Austin did a stunning job with this book in particular of bringing His loving and redemptive nature to life throughout the story, in the way the sisters cared, served and shown incredible mercy, grace, and love to certain characters in the book.
I also really loved the way everything came together at the end of the book. This happy ending story wasn't without heartbreak, which is a reminder that we never know how God will work. You never know how He will use you in ways that you can't imagine, and might never comprehend until heaven. It was a blessed reminder that it doesn't matter where you've been, what you've done, who you were in your past. Jesus flips that upside down. He's dying (literally- and rising again) to reach out to those very people.
In the words of 'The Pilgrim's Progress':

"Apollyon accused, "You almost fainted when you first set out, when you almost choked in the Swamp of Despond. You also attempted to get rid of your burden in the wrong way, instead of patiently waiting for the Prince [GOD] to take it off. You sinfully slept and lost your scroll, you were almost persuaded to go back at the sight of the lions, and when you talk of your journey and of what you have heard and seen, you inwardly desire your own glory in all you do and say."

To which Christian simply replies:

"All this is true, and much more that you have failed to mention...But the Prince [GOD] whom I now serve and honor is merciful and ready to forgive. Besides, these infirmities possessed me while I was in your country, for there I allowed them to come in. But I have groaned under them, have been sorry for them, and have obtained pardon from my Prince."

The LORD only can say who you are, what you are. No mistakes you've made can define you, as well as no good thing you can do. You will find this nowhere else, including religions. When religion demands "do", Christ states simply, "done".

But back to reviewing the book.

To be honest, the book helped me in my personal journey of loving and submitting to God in my own heart during this particular season of my life, and I've been a 'believer' for close to 10 years now (I've been churched all my life and I said "the prayer" at age 9, but I didn't really begin to grasp God's love for me and live my life for Him until I was closer to 12-14)! Who knows what God will do with my path as the years go on and my journey of life continues. It is my resolve to trust Him as He guides me along the way.
I love how so much of the sister's life was included, and how it all came to a beautiful and satisfying conclusion of how God brought things together, as is His way.
That's why, while not as good as some, this book has a special place in my heart and I will always connect it in my mind to the season that I am personally walking through right now.


Well, that is all. I just wanted to share my thoughts. This book holds a special place in my heart for another reason - when I first received it for my birthday in January of 2018, I was still in my old childhood home. Everything in my life has prevented me from reading and enjoying books since then - including moving twice. I tried reading this book several times, only to read a chapter or two and then leave it for weeks untouched before being able to pick it up and focus again. It's been a difficult year and a half since I read the first chapter and so many things in my life have changed I can't even count them all- but a few things have remained constant. The LORD, and my underlying love for books, reading, and imagination, even while not having the time or the  mental energy to focus on enjoying them. My heart for those things was still there-lying beneath the surface as everything I thought I could count on in my life practically dissolved before my eyes.

Only in the last month, I've finally started to come back to my old way of doing things. My old hobbies, my old enjoyments, my old state of mental health. It's still rough, but God is still there. He is my constant Companion when everyone around me fails me or lets me down- and in being so, proving He's different and can be trusted. I don't ever want to take a break from books again- I hope that in the future, no matter what difficulties or trials I walk through, I will always come from a healthy place in my mind where I can focus on and enjoy a well-written story.
This is the book that I began at the beginning of that 'taking-a-break-from-books-and-everything-i-found-pleasure-in' season, and 'Where We Belong' ended just now... as that season is coming to an end. I'm not sure of very many things, but I'm quite sure that Lynn Austin books will always mean a lot to me.

That's all, friends.
I hope you've having a good day!

What about you? Have you read this book? What did you think of it? What book or author means a lot to you?

-Amaris ☆

Wednesday, June 5, 2019

Waiting for Nothing

When I was 14, I read all the best Christian books about purity and singleness.
You name it, I read it.
"How to wait for God's best with a romantic relationship", "How to serve God while waiting", etc. (those aren't actual titles but you get the idea).
I felt really good about reading those books. And what's more, I felt confident in my ability to 'wait for God's best'.
Life went on, and I waited, like the books told me to.
It went pretty well. I kept waiting.
To be honest, it was easy. I was 15, 16, 17, who needs a relationship anyway? Certainly not me! None of my friends had boyfriends and they were were single too. It was all good. I kept waiting.

I'm 21 now... and I'm still 'waiting'.
Yeah, I know I'm still young, and a lot can happen as the years go on. But the problem is, for some reason back then I thought that 'waiting' would get easier the longer I did it. Well, that's not true. It actually gets harder. 
The main reason it's harder is because many people my age are getting into relationships. They're kissing each other. They're getting engaged. Married. And they're my age.
What's more, most of these couples are clearly following God's will and serving Him - together.
To be honest, it would be easier if they were all pursuing sinful relationships.
But they're not.
They're serving God, and they're working hard.
But wait...
I'm doing those things too.
So... where's my godly romantic relationship?
Man that's hard.
Feelings of doubt and fear and even anger and jealously make a home in my mind.

I entertain anxiety: by wondering if I'm not good enough. What can I do to be good enough so God will give me my heart's desire? I might struggle with social anxiety because I'm afraid no one will like me. (Philippians 4:6)

I struggle with doubt: I ask myself if it's truly God's plan that I never meet someone and marry, what if being single all my life is not going to be good enough? I don't know if I trust God with my happiness. (Proverbs 3:5-6)

I battle anger & jealousy: why should other couples have what I want? Why should they have their romantic desires fulfilled when I am serving God just as much, maybe more? I'm the one who deserves this. I find myself getting annoyed when people talks about couples. I struggle praying for other couple's relationships. I try to avoid hanging out with couples because spending time with people who have what I want is hurtful to me (mostly my pride). (Philippians 4:19, Philippians 2:3)

I don't know if any of these sound familiar.
Maybe you're struggling too. Maybe you're not.
In my case, I have to learn, first of all, to recognize the entertainment of these thoughts for what they are; Sin. Specifically, discontentment. (Isaiah 64:6)
Discontentment is the umbrella sin above every sin listed above. Anxiety, fear, worry, doubt, anger, jealousy, bitterness. It all stems from not being content in what God has given me. You know what they say, the grass is always greener. So what's at the root of discontentment? Unbelief.

Being discontent is not believing that God has this under control.
It's not trusting that He knows best, and knows what He's doing with my life. Like I said above, it's worrying that God's plan for me isn't good enough.
What a distorted, twisted mess sin makes things!
The good news is, no matter the struggle, there's always hope.
I know it sounds cliche, but it's true. (Psalms 42:11)

No matter the lies, there are always truths from God to replace them.
The first thing I want to point out is this: Sin distorts what God meant to be good. It's ok to want a romantic partner. It's ok to desire an intimate relationship. It's natural and healthy. That's why God created romance! He is the Founder and Author of romantic intimacy.
But when they are allowed to mix with negative thoughts and fester in the mind, these natural and godly desires can turn into so many unhealthy and sinful desires.
So, what can we do? What can I do?
I am still struggling with this; every single day. (Romans 6:17)

But here's what God has been telling me about being single.
First of all, let's clear this up: No matter what you've heard in Hallmark movies, there's not 'someone for everyone'. If you're single and hoping to get married some day, listen to this. You. Might. Never. Get. Married.
I know... I'm a dream crusher. But consider this for a second:
What if you start living your life as if you'll never get married? What would that look like?
What if you begin making a better life for yourself right now; instead of waiting to make a life with someone else (the 'love of your life') some day?
Believe me, you don't want to look back one day (married or not!) and wish and wonder why you didn't grab hold of God's best life for you while you could.
Live your best life for God NOW!
Create a life for yourself that you are so in love with that even if you don't get married, you'll barely miss it.

Imagine the flip-side.
Imagine spending years 'waiting' and 'preparing' yourself to be married one day, only to discover at one point or another that it's not in God's plan for you to be married... ever?
All those years I spent holding onto that romantic movie quote; 'There's someone for everyone'?
What an absolute waste of time. (Proverbs 14:12)
The truth is: I am a whole person; a beautiful, amazing, complete, happy person, without anyone else. I should not be spending my time waiting or searching for 'my other half' because I'M NOT A HALF. This is true not just for me, but everyone who reads this.

You've probably heard many people say that life is about waiting.
It's true, we wait for many things in life. Life includes waiting. But I believe that life is, in fact, not about waiting. Especially for things that might not ever happen.
Life is about growing in the LORD, and trusting Him no matter what He gives. It's about taking what He gives me and relying on Him to help me make the most of it. Because what I have, what you have, is truly amazing with or without a relationship. (Psalms 9:10)

Will I be happy if the LORD gives me a husband one day? Yes.
Will I be happy if I never get married as long as I live? Still yes.

And guess what? You will too. (Psalm 37:4)
So that's my message for you. That's my takeaway from this post, and I hope it encourages someone. Trust God with your future, as He is reminding me, every single day, to trust Him with mine. (Psalm 115:11, Matthew 11:28) Maybe not everyone who reads this post will have these same struggles. But I certainly do. And if you do too, this is for you.

Wait for nothing.

// Amaris //

p.s. Thank you for all the sweet comments on my last post <3

Friday, May 17, 2019

felt depressed, might delete later idk

Some things I miss:
I miss having time to read.

I miss helping people.

I miss working with children.

I miss my friend Maggie.

I miss my best friend.

I miss the times before certain people betrayed my trust.

I miss the times before certain people manipulated me.

I miss the times before certain people got in the way of some of my relationships.

I miss how things were before people evolve and change.

I miss being a light.

I miss good times before things got messed up.

Most of all...

I miss places I've never been.

I miss people I've never met.

I miss spending time with God.


Disclaimer: These things are not directed toward anyone or anything specific. I'm just speaking generally cause I was a lil depressed today; that's all. I'm ok.

Monday, April 15, 2019

Small Writing Tips

A few tips I have picked up from being a story lover for many years. 
Disclaimer: I've never actually written a book.

Unfulfilled Desires
If you're going to kill off a character, consider killing them off before they've achieved something important to them. Let the reader know exactly what they're leaving behind. For example, they couldn't wait to see their mom after many years, but they died right before being able to make the trip, and their mom will never see them again. Or, it was their lifelong dream to see the ocean. They wanted to tell their best friend they loved them. It really rips the reader's heart out because they weren't finished with life.

Powerful Villain
Be sure we know how powerful your villain is. Before your hero must confront the villain in the climax, make sure the hero (and your reader) sees first hand the kind of damage the villain can do. You have to instill that fear of the villain as organically and early as possible in the story.

Keep Old Drafts
Never throw away your old drafts, even ones from story ideas you've trashed. Keep them, and re-read them occasionally. You never know what important things you will want to go back and use.

Model Real Personalities
Be real. Especially with your main character. Figure out your hero's personality, and learn as much as you can about that personality. It will help you write your character more authentically. (I like to take this test through the eyes of my character. One of my favorite powerful characters I worked with back when I was still writing was an ESTJ personality and I loved using all the ESTJ information I found online to strengthen her characteristics). But don't forget to make your hero change and grow overtime (a.k.a. a 'character arc'). That's what real people do.

Watch Movies & Read Books
Watch movies and read books. Make notes of what you like/dislike about the stories and the characters. Remember them when you write your own stuff.

Don't forget to use references. You'll never get anywhere if you expect to figure out what to say and how to say it all on your own. Where do people go these days when they need inspiration? The internet. Welcome to the future, people. You want your character to express how they feel without being cliche? Go create a Pinterest account, follow some 'writing reference' boards.

Write Horribly
At the top of the rough draft of your story, label it 'The Dumbest Version'. It will help your mindset to allow yourself to write terribly because the rough draft doesn't have to be good it just has to be written.

Thanks for reading- I hope some of these can help you out sometime. :) 

// -Amaris //

Thursday, April 11, 2019

New Blog Look // Spring & Summer 2019

Good day, peeps! I just wanted to share that I have a new blog look! I was going for cool toned Summer vibes, with a hint of sunshine.
It will be fun to look at this post in years to come and see what the blog looked like, so that's the reason for this post, and this picture:

I hope you like the new look, and I hope your Spring is gong well, peeps!

Monday, April 8, 2019

Psalm 86 // Aesthetic

Well, peeps, this year has been hard so far. 
2016 was really good.
2017 was pretty good.
2018 was ok...

But 2019, man. 
Big oof.

But anyways, in spite of some interesting things going on in my life, the LORD has really been a comfort to me in the last few months, and I think my relationship with Him has grown in ways like it never has. 
The Psalms, especially, have been a place of refuge to me.
As you read, try to just take a deep breath, calm your thoughts, and let these beautiful words speak to you.
Now here you are. A post. 
To praise the God of Psalm 86. (NASB) 

// Psalm 86 //

Incline Your ear, O Lord, and answer me;
For I am afflicted and needy. 

Preserve my soul, for I am a godly man;
O You my God, save Your servant who trusts in You.
Be gracious to me, O Lord,
For to You I cry all day long.

Instagram: @est._1998
Make glad the soul of Your servant,
For to You, O Lord, I lift up my soul.

For You, Lord, are good, and ready to forgive,
And abundant in lovingkindness to all who call upon You.

Give ear, O Lord, to my prayer;
And give heed to the voice of my supplications!

In the day of my trouble I shall call upon You,
For You will answer me.

Instagram: @est._1998
There is no one like You among the gods, O Lord,
Nor are there any works like Yours.

All nations whom You have made shall come and worship before You, O Lord,
And they shall glorify Your name.

 For You are great and do wondrous deeds;
You alone are God.

Instagram: @est._1998

  Teach me Your way, O Lord;
I will walk in Your truth;
Unite my heart to fear Your name.

I will give thanks to You, O Lord my God, with all my heart,
And will glorify Your name forever.

For Your lovingkindness toward me is great,
And You have delivered my soul from the depths of Sheol.

O God, arrogant men have risen up against me,
And a band of violent men have sought my life,
And they have not set You before them.

Instagram: @est._1998
 But You, O Lord, are a God merciful and gracious,
Slow to anger and abundant in lovingkindness and truth.
Turn to me, and be gracious to me;
Oh grant Your strength to Your servant,
And save the son of Your handmaid.
Show me a sign for good,
That those who hate me may see it and be ashamed,
Because You, O Lord, have helped me and comforted me.

Instagram: @est._1998


Monday, April 1, 2019

Some Drawings

If you're on Instagram, you've probably seen me post drawings in the last few months. You might also know that since the Summer of 2018, I have taken my drawing hobby more seriously (I even took a class! It was quite fun), and because of that I have improved in recent months!
I have been posting most of the good ones on my art Instagram @sketching_smee, but if you're not on Instagram, here is a glimpse into some of the drawings I have done lately, and plus I think it'll be fun for me to look back at these one day on the blog.

They are in no particular order. :)

The cutting board is slightly crooked, and it bothers me every time I see it. I like how the shading and texture turned out tho.

 This was for an Inktober drawing. The prompt was 'breakable'.

Broken But Free
This one kind of went along with what was going on in my life at the time.

Christmas Bell Still Life
One of my favorite still life drawings! I'm really proud of how the shading turned out.

House in a Bottle
It was Christmas season when I drew this.

Another Inktober drawing. The prompt was 'jolt'.

A Lonely Seashell
I did a few drawing requests on my art Instagram. This was inspired by my best friend's prompt, 'beaches'.

Minimal Mountainscape
Fooling around with a pencil one evening. I wasn't trying to make it good but I like how it turned out.

Shaded Pumpkins
One of my favorite charcoal pieces.

Snow Bird
The chickadee is my favorite kind of bird. :)

Soul Butterfly
I combined a few ideas from images I found on Pinterest, and ended up with this tattoo-looking zen-esque butterfly.

Space Shuttle Launch
Another favorite piece done with charcoal. Sadly, I didn't have any fixative spray at the time I made this, so it was ruined when I closed my drawing book. I only have pictures to prove the piece ever existed.

Sputnik 1, October 4th, 1957
The rightmost antenna is slightly crooked and it bothers me to death.

One of my favorite Inktober drawings, the prompt was 'star'.

Sunshine Flower
A piece I drew and gave to a very special friend, because to me she is sunshine.

Tropical Arrangement No.1
Another piece I gave away to a friend. I like drawing things for people, because I can now. :)

That is all, my friends! I have so much to learn with drawing, but things are going well. I must keep practicing. 
Thanks for reading! 


Which drawing is your favorite? If you draw, do you have any drawing tips for me? :)

Thursday, March 21, 2019

Too Great to Fathom

(Note: This isn't a song, nor is it a poem. It is an overflow of praise in my heart; inspired by the greatest love ever shown.)
It's freeing, it's sobering.
It's humbling, it's satisfying.
It's gratifying, it's loving.
It's timeless, it's wonderful.

// There isn't anything like it. //

It rights every wrong.
It bridges every gap.
It makes grown men weep.
It makes the weak strong.

In my worst days, it is there.
In my best days, it is there.
It is the foundation of every good thing.

// There isn't anything like it. //

From it flows love.
From it flows peace.
From it alone flows redemption.

What a sweet, sweet word!
  Like sugar on my lips.
Wrong has been made right.
Defeat has turned to victory.
Timidity turns to power!

// There isn't anything like it. //

Hate becomes love.
Resentment becomes forgiveness.
Pride becomes humbled.

Simple enough for a child.
Yet it baffles the wisest man.

It is a comfort to the lonely.
It is power for the weak.
It is prosperity for the lowly.
It is refuge for the condemned.
It is delight for the oppressed.

// There isn't anything like it. //
You might have already guessed it; it's the gospel. 


As the deer pants for the water brooks, so my soul pants for You, O God. My soul thirsts for God, the living God; When shall I come and appear before God? My tears have been my food day and night, while they say to me all day long, "Where is your God?"
Psalm 42:1-3 

Many are the afflictions of the righteous. But the LORD delivers him out of them all.
Psalm 34:19

O LORD, open my lips, that my mouth may declare Your praise.
Psalms 51:15


Friday, March 15, 2019

2018 Movies

Hey everyone. I did a thing.
That thing was that I decided at the beginning of 2018 (yes, that's last year) I wanted to keep track of all the movies I watched, and what I think of them. 
You know, just for funsies. 
Here's the list.

It's long, I know.
Don't @ me.

(Note: Please do your own research before watching these, especially with younger movie watchers. Every movie title in this post links to the review from either Plugged In Online, or the Parent's Guide section from IMDB. Thanks, peeps!)


January 1st: Priceless (2016)
Not my favorite Christian flick. I love the heart and inspiration behind it, but the story felt flat and slightly cheesy according to my standards. It kept me interested, so that was good, but that still didn't redeem it, in my opinion. 3/10

January 17th: Forrest Gump (1994)
A rewatch. Seriously considering naming this my personal 'favorite movie of all time'. There are some skip-worthy moments for sure, but I would say the movie as a whole is worth it. 10/10

January 20th: The Greatest Showman (2017)
As far as I'm concerned, this movie can be called "The Greatest Musical Amaris Has Ever Seen That Doesn't Annoy The Heck Out of Her". 8/10

Total Movies: 3

The Greatest Showman


February 14th: You've Got Mail (1998)
So freaking cute. A great remake of the old 'Shop Around the Corner'. A few cuss words to watch out for, but mostly clean. 8/10

February 15th: The Young Victoria (2009)
Captured my heart completely. So, so beautiful. (Gimme that Prince Albert right now pls) 9/10

February 22nd: Walt Before Mickey (2015)
Wasn't sure if I should put this on the list, cause I didn't finish it. A huge shame. Not the hidden Netflix gem I was hoping it would be, and not worth my time at all. 0/10

February 23rd: Wonder (2017)
A very sweet movie. Probably wouldn't watch it again, tho. Just don't care enough. 6/10

February 23rd: Gifted (2017)
A very sweet little movie. The little girl was adorable. Some cuss words, a lil bit of sexuality, but mostly ok. 5/10

February 24th: Cast Away (2000)
1. 'WILLLLSOOONNNN'. 2. Out of all the FedEx boxes that got washed up on the island, he saved 'the special one' in the hopes of delivering it one day, 3. Kelly's picture inspired him to keep living. A Tom Hanks masterpiece. 8/10

Jebruary 25th: The Glass Castle (2017)
Frustrated me on so many levels, this movie. The characters, the story, the content, everything. The soundtrack was pretty, tho. And I love all the actresses who played the main girl. 4/10

Total Movies: 6.5

The Young Victoria


March 2nd: Bruce Almighty (2003)
VidAngel blocked out so much it was kinda hard to watch. Kinda funny during some parts. We had an issue of some false doctrine going on though. Sorry Morgan Freeman, but it doesn't say "be your own miracle" anywhere in the Bible. 2/10

March 4th: Murder on the Orient Express (2017)
Way more morbid than I was expecting; but I somehow still liked it. The actors were good, the soundtrack, the cinematography, all beautiful. (Extra point because I also liked how it brought me back to the old days when I read 'Poirot Investigates' for school in 10th grade.) 9/10

March 7th: Sense & Sensibility (1995)
Didn't like it as much as Price & Prejudice, but it was lovely, just the same. 7.5/10

March 17th: The American President (1995)
Save yourself the trouble and just watch the trailer; the only good parts in this movie are in there. 3/10

March 22nd: Turner and Hooch (1989)
Sweet, adorable, hilarious. Theres is some content but it's worth a watch with a filter. 8/10

March 24th: The Imitation Game (2014) 
A re-watch. Still as good as I remember it from a few months ago. I'll reference you to this post for my full opinion. 9/10

Total Movies: 6

Murder on the Orient Express


April 5th: August Rush (2007)
It's so good. It's emotional, it's gripping, it's heartrending. Yet, these 'lost and found' type of movies always kinda frustrate me. There are always so many 'almost' moments. Kinda reminded me of one of those emotional dog movies. Still really good tho. 8/10
April 7th: I Can Only Imagine (2018)
Way better than I expected. It tells the story of MercyMe's Bart Millard, and the events that eventually led up to him writing one of the greatest Christian songs, I Can Only Imagine. Would highly recommend. 10/10

April 14th: Catch Me If You Can (2002)
My family and I really enjoyed this fascinating depiction of Frank Abagnale, who becomes a master con-man with fraud before he turned 19. We watched it with VidAngel, and I'm glad we did because I did NOT want to see some of the stuff I cut out. Anyways, if you've got a filter, give it a try! 9/10

Total Movies: 3

Catch Me If You Can


May 4th: The Man Who Knew Infinity (2015)
Wasn't great, but very beautifully put together. Story line kinda bored me. 3/10

May 5th: Paddington 2 (2017)
Saw this while babysitting. It was pretty cute, in spite of being a bit cliche. 4/10

May 25th: The King's Speech (2010)
I loved this one. It was written beautifully, acted with such talent, and the story had me very interested. 10/10

May 26th: Sherlock Holmes (2009) 
It was ok. There were too many 'convenient' things. The fighting and action sequences were a bit too choreographed, which I found annoying. I enjoyed RDJ in this movie tho. 6/10

Total Movies: 4

The King's Speech


June 12: Titanic (1997)
Third time watching. I love this movie and it still gets me right here in the feels every freaking time. 10/10
June 13th: The Money Pit (1986)
A bit funny during some parts, but too sensual and dumb to watch again. 2/10

June 13th: Breakfast at Tiffany's (1961)
An actual gem!! So sweet, adorable, and sad. It reminded me of what I like about old old movies. 10/10

June 16th: The Incredibles (2004)
This was my favorite superhero movie growing up (cause it was the only one I was allowed to watch haha), and I still really liked it when we watched it after all those years. 8/10
June 17th: The Incredibles 2 (2018)
I really liked it. It was kinda feminist (which I'm not), but I really enjoyed watching. 8/10

June 20th: Jurassic World (2015)
I feel like this movie is put together well and it's a fun experience for a family movie night, but over all it's not super great. 5/10

June 28th: The Ghost and Mr. Chicken (1966)
A re-watch. This is the best old Don Knotts movie, in my opinion. The ghost story used to really scare me as a child, but it's funny now. I guess that means I'm a grownup...? 7/10

Total Movies: 7

Breakfast at Tiffany's


July 4th: The 'Burbs (1989)
I didn't enjoy this one very much. There are way better Tom Hanks movies out there for anyone who wants to watch a classic.

July 9th: Big (1988)
Soooo cute and hilarious. It made my sister and I laugh and cry. We loved it. Watch out for a kid says the f word once, tho. 10/10

July 14th: The Bucket List (2007)
I kinda liked it because it was sweet and had a good message, but I kinda disliked it cause there was some sexy stuff and language. So idk. 5/10

July 16th: The Terminal (2004)
A great Tom Hanks movie. Super sweet and 10/10

July 17th: The Circle (2017)
This movie annoyed me. Is it supposed to be the future? I'm not sure I understood the ending? Is the movie saying that no privacy is good or bad? Why does Mae change her mind about who she stands for and what she believes in so much? So many questions?  1/10

July 19th: Big Eyes (2014)
Such a touching and beautiful movie. I loved Amy Adams. The setting was beautiful, the story was heart-gripping (ending with happiness!), the acting was great. Yes, yes yes.   9/10

July 19th: A Hologram for the King (2016)
It wasn't the greatest Tom Hanks movie. There were some sweet moments, but I wasn't fond of the ending, and plus I had to skip a couple of things which makes it hardly worth my time anyways. 3/10

July 19th: The Man With One Red Shoe (1985)
Another 'Not the Greatest Tom Hanks Movie' movie. A complete wasted evening, if you ask me. Too many dumb and sexual things. Even Carrie Fisher didn't make things better. 0/10

July 21st: The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly (1966)
Even if Western isn't my thing, it's easy to see why this is my Mom's favorite movie. It was definitely a classic, really gripping and kept me on my toes. I really enjoyed the experience, if I'm being honest. 8/10

July 28th: Hello, My Name is Doris (2015)
There were a lot of cute things about this movie, and I enjoyed those parts but on the flip side of things the ending kinda annoyed me plus there was some sexy stuff as well as language, so the good parts weren't worth it. 4/10

Total Movies: 10

The Terminal


August 2nd: Jaws (1975)
I really like sharks, and I really like this movie. I don't know why. 7/10

August 10th: Christopher Robin (2018)
It brought back good memories but on the other hand I almost fell asleep watching it because it was super slow. Really cute tho. 3/10

August 31st: Spider-Man 3 (2007)
Me and my sister impulsively decided to watch this one late evening after getting frozen yogurt together mainly so we could laugh at the funny emo segments. It's not a horrible movie, to be honest. But Marvel can do (and has done) a lot better. 5/10

Total Movies: 3

Christopher Robin


September 2nd: The Meg (2018)
It was no 'Jaws'. But I did like some of the character development, a few of the jump-scares, and the main character did a good job, in my opinion. Over all, it wasn't a bad movie, and I had a good time  cause I saw it in theaters with my brother. 4/10

Total movies: 1

The Meg


October 7th: Sleepless in Seattle  (1996)
It was sweet, but also unsatisfying. I really wished for some cute couple moments between Tom Hanks and the girl. 'Big' and 'The Terminal' are much better if you like romantic Tom Hanks. 5/10

October 12: The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society (2018)
I realllly loved this movie! And I hold the (apparently popular) opinion that this movie does the book justice. It's great if you like period dramas, romances, WWII movies, or just sweet movies. 9.5/10

October 15th: Larry Crowne (2011)
Sooo funny and cute. I still like 'Big' and 'The Terminal' better for romantic Tom Hanks, but this one is really close to those two. 7.5/10

Total Movies: 3

The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society


November 4th & 24th: Bohemian Rhapsody (2018)
Absolutely loved it! It had some content issues, so I would read the Plugged In review for this one, especially before watching it with younger viewers. But apart from this, one of my favorite movies this year. The theater experience really added to the music, I felt like I wanted to get up and dance! It's hard to walk away from this movie not a Queen fan.10/10

November 22nd: A Knight's Tale (2001)
It had some pretty cute parts, and a few really funny parts, but nothing great enough to make me care to see it again. Heath Ledger tho. *nods* yes. 3.5/10

Total Movies: 2

Bohemian Rhapsody


December 14th: Letters to Juliet (2010)
I remember watching this movie when it first came out, and being the young, romance-loving person I was at the age of 12-14, I was absolutely obsessed at the time. This was my first time watching it again since then, and although Charlie was not as ravishingly handsome as I remember, the plot not quite so capturing, it was still really, really sweet. It brought back sweet memories, and I just  liked the story. It wasn't great, but I liked it. I also might have shed a small nostalgic tear or two. But you mustn't tell. 7.5/10

December 14th: That Thing You Do! (1996)
Didn't really go crazy for this one. The story kinda dragged on, and it was a little weird overall. I loved Liv Tyler's character, tho; and *spoiler* I loved how she got together with that drummer boi - super cute *end of spoiler*. 3.5/10

Total Movies: 2

Letters to Juliet


Grand Total:  
50.5 Movies

There you are, folks. Yeah, I know I should've posted this in January. But I'm not that late. Anyways, my plan worked! I watched way more movies in 2018! It was a good year.
Well, thanks for sticking around to the end, peeps.

I'll be back sometime on this blog.
When? I don't know.
But sometime.


Have you seen any of the movies on my list? What are your opinions of them? 

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