Since You've Been Gone

I haven't blogged in almost a year!! A few highlights to update my readers ~ or ~ 2021 Went Like This

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I still work at The Home Depot. I hit two years there on August 5th, 2021. I started out as a part-time cashier, then when the Pandemic hit, I went to full-time Order Fulfillment Associate, and then in February of 2021, they gave me a special, on-going project to maintain and prioritize our top-selling merchandise on a week-to-week basis. This is my current position, but I just applied and interviewed for an open management position in my store. I should hear whether or not I got the spot in about a week!! 

I still work at a bowling ally. I hit two years there in November of 2021. But I have let my boss there know that I will be leaving in late February. It's been a fun two years, but it's time to prioritize other things in my life by spending time on other things than a second job. As well as Home Depot being the career that I want to prioritize!!

My best friend got married. It was my first time being in a wedding, and I was the Maid of Honor for my best friend! I always wanted to be in a wedding, and what more could I ask for. It was a beautiful, not-too-hot June afternoon, and I saw my best friend be given away to the man of her dreams. A special day stored in my heart. 

I met someone. This is the most significant highlight on this list! It was on February 28th, 2021 at a small group in my church. We became Bible study friends, and went through a lot of drama with that church that we met at, which we no longer attend. But our friendship continued. Throughout various trials of sticking together, the Lord strongly indicated to us that we were meant to be partners, so we continued pursuing that direction together. As time and our friendship progressed, we developed feelings, much to the fear on both our sides considering we had both had traumatizing experiences with having feelings for others in the past. But God urged us to continue on the path we were on, leading us to the inevitable relationship that, initially, neither of us thought we wanted. It took a lot of giving up our own desires and crucifying the flesh on both sides to reach the point of accepting and admitting that we were in love with each other. He was in a place where he wanted it to be "God and me" and he didn't think that there was ever going to be a woman in the picture, and after a few bad experiences with unbelieving and toxic women in his past, he was fine with that. As for me, I had a very tumultuous year in 2020 which ended in a breakup that broke me and drove me back to God's arms, with a resolve to spend the entirety of 2021 in singleness, with a similar "just God and me" mindset. So you can imagine my fear and PTSD when the LORD was leading me towards this man and indicating to me that my vow was being fulfilled in him and it was for the purpose of leading me to this man, which it did. I realized that my commitment to singleness was largely made because of fear of getting hurt again, and it took a significant process for both of us to let go of past fears and relationship trauma, and trust what God was clearly telling us that not only was it 'ok' for us to be together, but that God had a plan for our relationship, far more significant and long-term than either of originally anticipated when He told us to "be friends". Through all of that, here we now are, happily living life and making plans to be married this April. Never, ever, ever in my wildest dreams expected to find myself here now. My heart is amazed at my God. 

Coffee became a surprisingly big deal to me. My fiancé and I fell in love over coffee. Literally. In our early days of friendship together, we did a lot of Bible Study at various coffee shops throughout St. Charles (where we hope to live once we're married). We discussed and came to understand a lot of our relationship as it developed and progressed throughout the months that we were falling in love, and as well we both developed a deeper appreciation and understanding of quality coffee roasting and dialing in espresso. Our favorite place? Course Coffee Roasters in St. Charles, MO. They have contributed a lot to our love for coffee (we actually went there on our first date!! Also funny story we were engaged before we went on any dates, but that's aside!), so much that it's kind of a pipe dream of ours to have our own coffee shop someday. 

I hiked. My favorite place? Castlwood State Park. 

I learned a lot of things about following God... and realized how much I still don't know. One of the things I learned is that it's extremely rare and probably safe to say it's NEVER the case that God will lead you to do something that's not outside your comfort zone. In other words, following God is not easy. One thing I have found: if what you are hearing from God is not leadings you to constantly crucify your flesh, 1. It's probably not from God, and 2. your relationship with the LORD probably needs to be re-evaluated and re-prioritized. You have to always be willing to be wrong. You have to always be willing to be changed, stretched, pulled until it feels like it will kill you. You have to always be willing to hear whatever God might tell you. You have to have an open heart, and be willing to obey no matter what God tells you. And here's the thing about that, you won't enjoy it. BUT. For all the parts that are so uncomfortable, there are tremendous blessings.  Incredible blessing beyond your wildest imagination. Incredibly worth it. 

I would like to start blogging regularly again. I'm thinking of just posting on here little things that God tells me in life, and maybe it will bless or encourage you too. 

I don't know who reads my blog anymore, but it doesn't really matter because it felt good to post this. I hope you are all well. 

Amaris