Waiting for Nothing

When I was 14, I read all the best Christian books about purity and singleness.
You name it, I read it.
"How to wait for God's best with a romantic relationship", "How to serve God while waiting", etc. (those aren't actual titles but you get the idea).
I felt really good about reading those books. And what's more, I felt confident in my ability to 'wait for God's best'.
Life went on, and I waited, like the books told me to.
It went pretty well. I kept waiting.
To be honest, it was easy. I was 15, 16, 17, who needs a relationship anyway? Certainly not me! None of my friends had boyfriends and they were were single too. It was all good. I kept waiting.


I'm 21 now... and I'm still 'waiting'.
Yeah, I know I'm still young, and a lot can happen as the years go on. But the problem is, for some reason back then I thought that 'waiting' would get easier the longer I did it. Well, that's not true. It actually gets harder. 
The main reason it's harder is because many people my age are getting into relationships. They're kissing each other. They're getting engaged. Married. And they're my age.
What's more, most of these couples are clearly following God's will and serving Him - together.
To be honest, it would be easier if they were all pursuing sinful relationships.
But they're not.
They're serving God, and they're working hard.
But wait...
I'm doing those things too.
So... where's my godly romantic relationship?
Man that's hard.
Feelings of doubt and fear and even anger and jealously make a home in my mind.


I entertain anxiety: by wondering if I'm not good enough. What can I do to be good enough so God will give me my heart's desire? I might struggle with social anxiety because I'm afraid no one will like me. (Philippians 4:6)

I struggle with doubt: I ask myself if it's truly God's plan that I never meet someone and marry, what if being single all my life is not going to be good enough? I don't know if I trust God with my happiness. (Proverbs 3:5-6)


I battle anger & jealousy: why should other couples have what I want? Why should they have their romantic desires fulfilled when I am serving God just as much, maybe more? I'm the one who deserves this. I find myself getting annoyed when people talks about couples. I struggle praying for other couple's relationships. I try to avoid hanging out with couples because spending time with people who have what I want is hurtful to me (mostly my pride). (Philippians 4:19, Philippians 2:3)


I don't know if any of these sound familiar.
Maybe you're struggling too. Maybe you're not.
In my case, I have to learn, first of all, to recognize the entertainment of these thoughts for what they are; Sin. Specifically, discontentment. (Isaiah 64:6)
Discontentment is the umbrella sin above every sin listed above. Anxiety, fear, worry, doubt, anger, jealousy, bitterness. It all stems from not being content in what God has given me. You know what they say, the grass is always greener. So what's at the root of discontentment? Unbelief.


Being discontent is not believing that God has this under control.
It's not trusting that He knows best, and knows what He's doing with my life. Like I said above, it's worrying that God's plan for me isn't good enough.
What a distorted, twisted mess sin makes things!
The good news is, no matter the struggle, there's always hope.
I know it sounds cliche, but it's true. (Psalms 42:11)


No matter the lies, there are always truths from God to replace them.
The first thing I want to point out is this: Sin distorts what God meant to be good. It's ok to want a romantic partner. It's ok to desire an intimate relationship. It's natural and healthy. That's why God created romance! He is the Founder and Author of romantic intimacy.
But when they are allowed to mix with negative thoughts and fester in the mind, these natural and godly desires can turn into so many unhealthy and sinful desires.
So, what can we do? What can I do?
I am still struggling with this; every single day. (Romans 6:17)


But here's what God has been telling me about being single.
First of all, let's clear this up: No matter what you've heard in Hallmark movies, there's not 'someone for everyone'. If you're single and hoping to get married some day, listen to this. You. Might. Never. Get. Married.
I know... I'm a dream crusher. But consider this for a second:
What if you start living your life as if you'll never get married? What would that look like?
What if you begin making a better life for yourself right now; instead of waiting to make a life with someone else (the 'love of your life') some day?
Believe me, you don't want to look back one day (married or not!) and wish and wonder why you didn't grab hold of God's best life for you while you could.
Live your best life for God NOW!
Create a life for yourself that you are so in love with that even if you don't get married, you'll barely miss it.


Because:
Imagine the flip-side.
Imagine spending years 'waiting' and 'preparing' yourself to be married one day, only to discover at one point or another that it's not in God's plan for you to be married... ever?
All those years I spent holding onto that romantic movie quote; 'There's someone for everyone'?
What an absolute waste of time. (Proverbs 14:12)
The truth is: I am a whole person; a beautiful, amazing, complete, happy person, without anyone else. I should not be spending my time waiting or searching for 'my other half' because I'M NOT A HALF. This is true not just for me, but everyone who reads this.



You've probably heard many people say that life is about waiting.
It's true, we wait for many things in life. Life includes waiting. But I believe that life is, in fact, not about waiting. Especially for things that might not ever happen.
Life is about growing in the LORD, and trusting Him no matter what He gives. It's about taking what He gives me and relying on Him to help me make the most of it. Because what I have, what you have, is truly amazing with or without a relationship. (Psalms 9:10)

Will I be happy if the LORD gives me a husband one day? Yes.
Will I be happy if I never get married as long as I live? Still yes.

And guess what? You will too. (Psalm 37:4)
So that's my message for you. That's my takeaway from this post, and I hope it encourages someone. Trust God with your future, as He is reminding me, every single day, to trust Him with mine. (Psalm 115:11, Matthew 11:28) Maybe not everyone who reads this post will have these same struggles. But I certainly do. And if you do too, this is for you.


Wait for nothing.


// Amaris //

p.s. Thank you for all the sweet comments on my last post <3