why

 The fact that still, since 2015 or so, I have this notion that I need to post in order to speak to a particular audience, that I need to in some way write with eloquence for other the benefit of OTHER PEOPLE reading it... which is laughable considering the fact that "old school blogging" is dead and I don't really have any "readers" anyways. 

No, see this is drummed into me from my sheltering and controlling mother - that I have to do things in some way that will please other people. Yeah, I'm talking about "people pleasers"! Aka Me! And if I went no contact with her for any reason it was to break those pesky habits (which I will say, is going well for the most part. I'm less and less like the woman every day and THANK THE LORD - and thank the Lord NOTHING of the toxic things she has said about my life or my future is true - fuck, the woman once told me as a teenager that I better "time it right" when I get married and not schedule my wedding on my period, because then we can't have sex and my husband would be upset with me. WHAT?!?!?!?! LOL) 

Here's what I need to get into my own thick skull. THIS BLOG IS NOT FOR THE READER. IT'S FOR ME. So many times I have ideas of things I want to blog about and I think "nah I shouldn't write that, it wouldn't make sense" WHO THE F CARES?? This is essentially an echoing diary in the lost dead internet and I can say WHATEVER I WANT (again.. not yelling at the reader, yelling at myself). 

So here we go, I'm going to stop caring about who might see this. I'll stop tiptoeing around worried who I will offend because you know, "opinion" blogs exist. Not saying my blog is full on opinion piece, but I'm saying if some rando reader don't like it, there's the door. The freedom, is all. 

There you go. Just a tidbit that came into my brain. And I'm posting it, cause I want to. Lol

-Amaris ☆ //