This is one of those years that I can confidently say that I am a completely different person than I was a year ago.
A year ago, I said goodbye to some meaningful people in my life, which was not easy to do at all.
There were many times when I thought I was making a mistake. That I asked myself "what if I am wrong"? What should my future be? How do I view my past? How long will my present be so painful?
One of the most meaningful songs to me during this time, was "Catch Me" by Elyssa Smith.
If I fall, will You catch me? If I get lost, will You find me? I feel afraid of leaving what's safe, but I can't stay here. If I walk through that doorway, and the look on their face says I'm crazy. I'm learning that risks feel like mistakes. But isn't that called faith?
What if the doors all close and lock, and I find out I chased a mirage? Wondering if I even heard You at all. What if the cost is too high to pay? I'd rather you take the cup away, and I second guess if the choice I made was worth it?
Have you ever had to make a decision in your life that was so scary you were terrified to jump? You wanted to do what's right, but the sheer terror clouded your judgement, because what if the decision you made was a mistake?
But, the song continues -
But what if Heaven is cheering me on? David's pleading, "Sing your song", Mary's shouting "Waste it all He's worth it!" And You WILL catch me! I know You'll catch me.
These words reverberated through my mind and comforted me during my season of doubt in early 2024. I was not sure of myself, but I was sure that I couldn't stay where I was. I know now, without a doubt, that I made the right decision.
In 2024, I learned that once a decision is made in life, you can pretty soon tell if it was the right decision by what things follow in the months, and even years after. Do things evolve to be better, or worse?
I've learned that sometimes you have to just commit, even if you aren't sure. Because if you wait until "the time is right", or "everything is ready", you may never get to that perfect time to act, and you'll miss out on the faith building that comes with making the difficult decision. Additionally, I've learned that life is a blessing and a beautiful thing despite any hardships. Life is not all about "I've just gotta get through this trial, then I'll be ok again." Trials are like winter. And Winter is not bad. It's just different and can be hard, especially if you're not prepared or don't have a good attitude about what you're dealing with. In fact, Winter is one of those blessed seasons that slows us down and make us contemplate on the things that really matter. And we would be truly lost without those times. Reflective periods are essential!
I'm immensely proud of myself this year. I have become a more graceful and patient human. I have learned to speak my mind with love, and hold my boundaries firm. I learned to objectively examine what I want in life, and what is not serving me, or allowing me to serve GOD to my fullest potential.
While I know there will be painful times in the future, I know that I have built the resilience and the faith that will serve me during those times.
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| My 2025 Vision Board! I made this at a workshop I attended at Jane's House of Wellbeing, here in St. Charles, MO |
I'm very excited for this year, and I plan to continue blogging the journey!
Amaris ☆ //
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