Life, Grief & Gratefulness.

Hello, Friends.

It's been awhile! 

I had a whole post I was writing that went into great detail of the last 2 or so months of my life. But it was getting to the point that I knew it was too long but I didn't know how to trim it down and still say what I wanted to say. So, I'm going to leave that post in the drafts for now and try again here. 

Life has been....life. 

Changes in Childhood

Due to shifting job situations, I actually worked full time for a short 2-month period, while my husband was the stay-at-home-parent. During this time, our oldest son Malachi developed a LOT. Vocabulary, behavior, capabilities. It was like he was a completely new kid from 2 months earlier. 

Malachi meeting his first cat! He had seen only pictures of cats prior to meeting this one. Her name is "Mrs. Timbers".

The sad part of this is that I was at work and I feel like I lost touch with him a little bit. I lost the hang of his lingo and swiftly changing habits. 

But, that all changed when in February our lives changed forever with the birth of our second son...

Then Came Abram

My sweet little son was born late in February, who we named Abram. 

How did the birth go? Well, to put it shortly, we started with the attempt at a VBAC and ended at a second-time C-section. But, I feel like the birth experience overall was as redeeming as it could be, and a strength and bravery was revealed in me that I didn't know I possessed. 

We had to induce at 37 weeks due to polyhydramnios. We tried the induction for two days before we landed on a c-section due to failure to progress. But up until I had the C-section I was completely pain med free, which is a huge personal accomplishment for me. 

Once we had to do the surgery, at first I was greatly anxious due to my trauma from my first rather dramatic and difficult C-section (and subsequent recovery). 

But this one went completely smoothly, and I was able to overcome my feelings of dread and panic and instead showed myself to be brave beyond my expectations. 

My Valentine's Bouquet which I took with me to give birth at the hospital.

There is an underlying disappointment with the fact that I had to have another surgery. 

My greatest wish was to have a VBAC. 

But my gratefulness and happiness far outweighs that feeling, knowing the personal journey I went through to be strong and stand up for myself, and advocate for myself in the process, and standing face to face with the thing that scared me, and choosing to be brave rather than succumb to fear or discomfort. 

All resulting in a sweet tiny child at the end, who I could take home and love. 

This blanket is the finished crochet project that I worked on during my pregnancy. I was trying to go for the old fashioned "granny" look while still creating something that I liked as far as colors and design. I'm really proud of how it turned out!

Since the birth, my life has drastically changed with the expected way that a new baby typically brings.

Late nights, messiness, diapers, tears, tiredness, adorable-ness, laughter. 

There's something about the late nights up with a baby. A vulnerability. A sense of space, and peace. A sense of holiness. These moments are sacred and few in life. 

Today, my son will never be this young again. And tomorrow, he will be older than he ever has. 

There is no going back, only forward. 

Each passing moment contains both a grief of the passing of time with the moments it leaves behind, and gratefulness for the present moment, with the joy ahead to be had.

Having a Spring baby means I can go on walks with a tiny bundle strapped to me!

So... what else has been going on? 

Watching Movies

I have been on a huge movie kick lately. I have been living in the "free with ads" section of YouTube lately. BUT... I've also bought some to rent (I don't do streaming services). I'm planning a whole entire post to speedrun through some of my movie opinions, but here is a sampling of a few favorite movies from that list: 

• Ace Ventura: Pet Detective (1994) - 4 out of 10. Funny, iconic. Also stupid. Also not my type of movie. 
• Letters to Juliet (2010) - 10 out of 10. A rewatch from my childhood. The perfect rom-com, no notes.
• Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants (2005) - 10 out of 10. My husband and I adored this movie. So sweet and heartfelt. 
• Age of Adaline (2015) - 2 out of 10. Stupid, took it self way too seriously, tried so hard to have meaning when it didn't have much at all. Also, Blake Lively. Ew. 
• Last Holiday (2006) - 10 out of 10. This is a trailer I saw when I was a kid and I never watched it until now. Worth it, loved it. Adorable. Hollywood has changed so much for the worse since they made movies like this. Was nice to go back in time. 
• Groundhog Day (1993) - 10 out of 10. A classic. Even my husband loved it. Adorable. Thought provoking. Timeless.

Last Holiday (2006)

Discovering New Tastes in Beverage (And Enjoying Classics)

I tried matcha once or twice 3 years ago and disliked it greatly. My official takeaway from that experience was that I was "not a matcha person". Well, flash forward to now. I decided to try it again, because who knows. I got a new seasonal drink at one local coffee shop, Upshot Coffee Brake Shop. It was a strawberry matcha. And well, I really liked it. I got it a few more times, and still liked it! 

Could it be, I wondered, that I actually like matcha after all?

I got some matcha of my own, to further test it. I also made some strawberry syrup (dice up strawberries, cover them in sugar, leave on your counter and shake it or stir it once a day or so in an airtight container, once there are no more sugar crystals, strain the strawberries, and voila!). 

Now I drink an iced strawberry matcha latte once or twice a week, and I think there's no going back! 

It's hard not to take pictures of strawberry matcha lattes, even if the lighting is bad, because they are just so pretty!

Finding Time to Make Art

I really miss the days of 2018 and 2019 where I was drawing very consistently and thus improving consistently. It was very enjoyable to me. I often think about those days, and wish I were doing that again. I feel this way about many things, actually (will probably write a future post about that). But, I'm trying to spend more time doing those things, instead of wishing I was doing them. So, I started with something pretty easy and satisfying. Ink patterns! Most ideas I find on Pinterest, but a few patterns I've come up on my own. These patterns I speak of are not quite like optical illusions, but they are adjacent to that, and have the same vibe. 

Here are a few recents (as well as my first ever "junk journal" page, which I made from a chocolate bar package and a tea package): 

Made with a chocolate bar paper package, a tea bag box, and the rest with markers. I winged it and I like how it turned out. 

New Plants to Love 

I am always trying to improve my skills when it comes to keeping and caring for house plants. 

I have had many plants die over the years, some sooner, some later. 

The goal is to keep pushing the dying later and later until we rarely experience a death! 

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A recent acquired plant, a Tokyo Sun. Isn't she cute?

At least I know which plants I'm most likely to keep alive at this point in time. Golden Pothos! I like to bring in a new on every so often, as well as difference species. 

Pictured are a few new ones I've got recently, and my hope (and prayer...) is that they will last as long as possible!

That is all for now!

Farewell, friends. 

~ Amaris // ☆

I Am Slowly But Surely Adjusting // June 2025

Here it is! The Life Update I've been promising. 

A lot has changed in my life, which has prevented me from posting as often as I said I wanted to back in the beginning of the year. And apart from that, life has just progressed, like life always does, even in the mundane and somewhat boring ways. 

But if I've learned anything as I've gotten older (I'm 27 now..... holy crap I'm old...) it's that the passing of time is very precious. My son will never be as young again as he was today. My body will never look quite the same as now. My marriage won't be in the same young stage as it is in right now. Life is so precious even in its mundanity!

So here they are, the bullet points of What's Been Going On!

⟢ I Quit My Full Time Job to Stay Home With My Son

(This one is a long one, LOL)

This one was a huge step in faith in which I quit my full time job doing inside sales for Home Depot, working from home. It was a great job, really, and I enjoyed it immensely! The job worked perfectly for me and my family for 2-1/2 years. I was able to have my son at home with me while working to provide the major part of our household income. All my breaks and lunches were right here at home, where I could cook, clean, play with my son, take a shower, etc. When I got off work for the day, I was right there at home ready for the evening, the second I clocked out. There was no commute, and no need to drive anywhere. I could (and frequently DID) wake up barely 10 minutes before my shift started to get those extra Z's! 

But, all was not paradise. It was a full time job which meant 40 hours of my week that I didn't get to have full time attention to my son. We had to stay inside, all day every day. And what's more, the job itself became a bit of a problem. I've always been a good worker, with attention to detail, organized, and who worked well with other people. But towards the end of my time there, they had a few people leave and they weren't being replaced. So everyone else had to absorb the extra work, and it became tiring on many of us. What's more, my relationship with my boss began to deteriorate as I was dealing with the increased and changing expectations, which was made harder by the fact that the boss person just didn't do their job very well (let's face it, the boss was probably stressed too). It got to the point where I was feeling anxious to go into work. I would think about work on the weekends, and while I still loved many aspects of the job, I just wasn't excited to do it any more than I was stressed. Several workdays had me clocking out with tears of frustration. My husband had been encouraging me for months that we can quit this job and figure out the finances - "we're not stuck here, GOD will provide", he would say. But I was scared. I didn't know how we would figure out how to make it. I made a lot of money and I just didn't know how we could get it to work. 

At the beginning of May, I reached my breaking point. I had a video meeting with my boss, and told her I wanted to go back to a store in 2 weeks, to work part time. The amount of freedom and excitement I felt! I still had no plan and no understanding of how we would make things work. But, I took the leap. The HUGE leap of faith. Frankly, I was scared to death! But, I did it anyways.

Here we are at the beginning of June 2025, and we are still alive and surviving. Yes, the money's tight. I miss being able to eat for my cycle (steaks during Menstruation, salmon and kombucha during Follicular, etc. etc.), I miss my regular massages, I miss being able to cook for other people more, and I miss many other aspects of the privileges of... you know, HAVING MONEY. But, we are working on it. And picking up hours here and there to make ends meet. We haven't been kicked out of our apartment yet so that has to show for something! And changes always lead the way to make new connection and new networks. I already have offers to do some clerical work for minimal hours at home for a few business partners that my husband and I know, on top of working 2 nights a week at a Home Depot store in my area. Things are still shifting and we are still getting used to everything, but there has been a tremendous amount of blessing and promise as GOD confirms the decision we made!

⟢ I Am Reading 25 Books in 2025

See my last post for a recap of the year so far in books! Here's the list of books I'm currently working through and hoping to finish soon:

• The Story of Knights and Armor | by Ernest E Tucker (A book I read as a kid while homeschooling - I remembering liking it a lot and decided to pick it up for nostalgia's sake and also because it's a pretty easy read to get me to my goal!)
• Tess of the d'Urbervilles | by Thomas Hardy (I found this at a book fair here in Saint Louis - I am only 3 chapters in but liking it so far!)
• Prayer in the Night: For Those Who Work or Watch or Weep | by Tish Harrison Warren (I had to read this one after loving Liturgy of the Ordinary so much. And already, this book has me tearing up numerous times already!)
• The Flourishing Family: A Jesus-Centered Guide to Parenting with Peace and Purpose | by David Erickson (I followed them on Instagram while back because they aligned with my views on not spanking children, among many other parenting values that I hold to - this is a very hyped book that I'm very excited to get into. So far I have just read the intro!)
• The Witch of Blackbird Pond | by Elizabeth George Speare (This is a favorite from when I was a teenager. I'm reading this with my "book friend", we meet on Mondays!)
• The Lord of the Rings: Part One: The Fellowship of the Ring | By J. R. R. Tolkien (I'm reading this through with a few girlfriends! It has been very nostalgic and a great path down memory lane because I have only read the series once when I was a teenager!)
• Mansfield Park | by Jane Austen (I'm probably going to finish this one next - I have been "speed reading" it to get through it in order to move on to Tess mentioned above. I plan to watch the movie when finished! Or is it a series? I don't actually know, LOL!)
• Scarlet (The Lunar Chronicles, #2) | by Marissa Meyer (I'm having a hard time getting into this one. I'm not sure if I'll finish it honestly!)
• Show Them Jesus: Teaching the Gospel to Kids | by Jack Klumpenhower (re-reading this with my hubby!)
• Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents (this one goes without sayin', you can just look at some of my recent posts for context, LOL!)
• The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work | by John M. Gottman (Ok, I like this book... but the amount of exercises is annoying and a little daunting. I just wanted to read something and didn't want or need something so hands on, and frankly that's making it take a long time to get through! Time will tell if it's overall worth it...)

While enjoying a Nitro Cold Brew from Course Coffee Roasters in St. Charles!

I have a few more books planned to read as well as some of these reach completion, but I will discuss those probably in a future post this year!

Ok, now for a few shorter updates (aka "shorties")!

⟢ Life With Malachi (aka "Poobiss")

"Poobiss" is the nickname we have given our son. He will be 2 this month! Every day is an adventure, and it feels like he picks up new abilities and developments every day! The latest fun quirk... he has started pretending his morning banana is a plane by swooshing it into the sky with his hand and making an airplane sound! 

⟢ Making Lots of Sourdough Bread

Behold my newest food-related hobby! I picked this up about a year ago. I will have a post coming up soon in which I describe my current routine! But for now, I'll share one of my recent loaves: 

I'm still working on my scoring -- but look at that crusty crust!!

⟢ Experimenting with Coffee Syrups / At-Home Brewing

Since quitting the job, one of the ways we are saving money is by making our coffee drinks at home. I have a method for making an at-home latte with the Aeropress. But syrups are really where I can be creative! Here is one of the recent recipes I came up with, I'm not sure what to call it, but it reminds me of a cookie of some sort!

1 cup cane sugar

1 cup water

2-3 tbsp (to taste) molasses

2-3 tsp (to taste) vanilla

1-2 tsp (to taste - not too much because it easily overpowers) almond extract

pinch cinnamon

Place over low heat on the stovetop and let it sit for at least 4 hours. The longer the better!

As you can see, the measurements are very much adjustable to your preference, the main portion to stay accurate is the sugar and water, because this is the simple syrup base. Everything else is just flavoring!

⟢ Art

I have been wanting to practice art more, especially with different mediums than I have historically used. My favorites in the past is vine charcoal and pencil. But this year I started trying to be more colorful, having bought a box of Crayola pencils and crayons! And very different as well, when I made my 2025 vision board collage, which was done with layers of magazine paper. Here are a few recent pieces: 

Made with crayons

Pumpkins! Made with colored pencil

The Vision Board I mentioned :)

I should mention the orange piece and the pumpkin piece were made from pieces I found online, and were copied freehand by me. 

I will wrap up this post with a few movies my husband and I watched together recently: 

⟢ Movies

- 10 Things I Hate About You

- Interstellar

- Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium

- Freaky Friday

- Enchanted

- Spy Kids

There you have it! A glimpse into my life. Heaven knows there is plenty more I could have included. 

I will be back soon, with another post. Until next time - 

- Amaris ☆ //

Some Drawings

If you're on Instagram, you've probably seen me post drawings in the last few months. You might also know that since the Summer of 2018, I have taken my drawing hobby more seriously (I even took a class! It was quite fun), and because of that I have improved in recent months!

I have been posting most of the good ones on my art Instagram @sketching_smee, but if you're not on Instagram, here is a glimpse into some of the drawings I have done lately, and plus I think it'll be fun for me to look back at these one day on the blog.

They are in no particular order. :)

~

 Avocados

The cutting board is slightly crooked, and it bothers me every time I see it. I like how the shading and texture turned out tho.

Breakable

 This was for an Inktober drawing. The prompt was 'breakable'.

Broken But Free

This one kind of went along with what was going on in my life at the time.

Christmas Bell Still Life

One of my favorite still life drawings! I'm really proud of how the shading turned out.

House in a Bottle

It was Christmas season when I drew this.

Jolt

Another Inktober drawing. The prompt was 'jolt'.

A Lonely Seashell

I did a few drawing requests on my art Instagram. This was inspired by my best friend's prompt, 'beaches'.

Minimal Mountainscape

Fooling around with a pencil one evening. I wasn't trying to make it good but I like how it turned out.

Shaded Pumpkins
One of my favorite charcoal pieces.

Snow Bird
The chickadee is my favorite kind of bird. :)

Soul Butterfly
I combined a few ideas from images I found on Pinterest, and ended up with this tattoo-looking zen-esque butterfly.

Space Shuttle Launch
Another favorite piece done with charcoal. Sadly, I didn't have any fixative spray at the time I made this, so it was ruined when I closed my drawing book. I only have pictures to prove the piece ever existed.

Sputnik 1, October 4th, 1957
The rightmost antenna is slightly crooked and it bothers me to death.

Star
One of my favorite Inktober drawings, the prompt was 'star'.

Sunshine Flower
A piece I drew and gave to a very special friend, because to me she is sunshine.

Tropical Arrangement No.1
Another piece I gave away to a friend. I like drawing things for people, because I can now. :)

That is all, my friends! I have so much to learn with drawing, but things are going well. I must keep practicing. 

Thanks for reading! 

-Amaris

Which drawing is your favorite? If you draw, do you have any drawing tips for me? :)