Showing posts with label Mental Health. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Mental Health. Show all posts

Wednesday, July 30, 2025

Life Updates ⟡ Recent Contemplations ⟡ July 2025

 Hello again friends!

(a note before starting - I legitimately didn't know what day it was and thought I had missed my usual Wednesday post. It turns out, I'm right on schedule and not late at all, LOL! Though I do expect to be off schedule here and there in the coming months. Read on to see why...)

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If you have been reading the blog for awhile, you might have noticed I tend to have a schedule of posting on Wednesdays! I like having a routine when I can, for most things in life. It helps me take the guesswork out of when to get what things done to make sure I do all that I want to do!

My blogging desk setup!

 ⋆.˚⟡ ࣪ ˖ An Interruption of Your Regularly Scheduled Posts  ⋆.˚⟡ ࣪ ˖

This past Wednesday, however, was an exception. I was a bit "under the weather", shall we say. Not the usual way you might think though. I wasn't SICK sick... I was actually pregnancy sick! 

That's right, our little family is expanding. I am in fact pregnant with our second child!

My husband and I have been expecting this for a few months now. I was worried at first, because with my first son, I got pregnant right away when we started trying to conceive. But this time, it took just a few months. I was worried perhaps I was cut open wrong with my C Section and was preventing a new pregnancy. (Believe me, up until we got pregnant, the possibility/worry of that was very real for me. Especially considering how terrible my birth experience was with my son, and how everything was handled by the medical staff around me. But, that is a story for another post perhaps some day ... )

And as mentioned above, I have been feeling the sickness recently. It set in around 4 weeks. I won't directly share how far along I am for privacy reasons - but I'll just say come springtime I will have a new little baby to love. 

It's shaped like a <3

 ⋆.˚⟡ ࣪ ˖ Tummy Aches Are Fun ⋆.˚⟡ ࣪ ˖

Thankfully, the nausea is not terrible, and can be managed. As long as I eat very regularly, and make sure I don't get hungry, I can control how I feel. Which of course, isn't always possible. Sometimes it's too difficult to time it right, and I end up hungry and nauseous. In addition to the morning time, of course I have not eaten all night and can't really help that. So most mornings I wake up nauseous and then the nausea makes it hard to eat food for breakfast. It's really a mental battle getting breakfast down every day! But, once I can finally get down some food, I feel good for the next several hours. 

Outside of my Home Depot store taken Summer 2025

 ⋆.˚⟡ ࣪ ˖ Supplements Are Somewhat Helpful ⋆.˚⟡ ࣪ ˖

Additionally something that helps the nausea, that I discovered with my first pregnancy (with my son), is taking Vitamin B6. Especially before bed, during dinner or my last snack of the day. I have noticed a significant improvement in my overall tummy feeling the next day when I remember to take it! 

I also take Folate since it's one of the most essential vitamins for early pregnancy, and with my tummy issues it's really hard to eat enough in my diet on a daily basis. Of course, I still try. But I also take the folate. 

Other than that, I haven't been taking anything - I really try hard to avoid Tylenol, since I have read that recent studies suggest that Tylenol consumed during pregnancy can lead to higher risks of (I believe) ADHD and/or Autism in the child (I can't remember which on it is but it could also be both). I did however have such a bad headache recently that Tylenol was the only thing that pulled me through! 

Iced Earl Gray Tea from Course Coffee Roasters!

 ⋆.˚⟡ ࣪ ˖ Other Life Tidbits ⋆.˚⟡ ࣪ ˖

Besides the pregnancy, life has been a season of adjustments recently. Obviously pregnancy is a huge adjustment, especially with all the physical symptoms that come with it (I have had others besides the nauseous tummy, believe me). But life in general for me has been an adjustment for the last several months. 

Mainly the big change of me quitting my full time job in May to be home with my son. There have been many ups and downs since making that decision. 

1. Positive: More time with my son and time to play and develop

2. Negative: We only have one car, which my husband takes to work. Unfortunately his job is too far away from our home at the moment for me to realistically drop him off to keep the car very often at all. 

3. Negative: Having no car means being "stuck" at home, isolated. Similar to the above-mentioned mental battle of having to eat food with a nauseous tummy after a full night sleep on an empty stomach, so too is it a mental battle of keeping my spirits above water when I am stuck at home with no way to leave, all day, with a toddler (whom I love very much. But still). This has caused me to go into a bit of a depression due to the loneliness.

4. Positive: More time to do things I need to do around the house, like chores and food prep/cooking.

With the struggles above, I have not lost hope. Sure, plenty of days I feel hopeless. But I have not fully lost hope, I know that everything is a season, and nothing lasts forever. I have been in many seasons so far in my life, and one thing is for certain - GOD has not forgotten about me. He has not yet let me down, I just get impatient. But I believe and want to slow down and let a season exist instead of just wanting it to be over while being frustrated. Sure, many things about this season are frustrating. But I know He hears me. He tells me so, in little ways. He is always confirming His presence in my life. 

Somewhere, way up there

 ⋆.˚⟡ ࣪ ˖ Other Struggles & Opportunities to Seek God's Will ⋆.˚⟡ ࣪ ˖

One of the frustrations I have had with this seasons is with friendships. I, like many, have experienced friends both come and go in life. Some people are meant to be around for a long time and some only for a short while. I can understand that. But it's been especially difficult to grasp God's design for friendship as something I understand when I have lost 2 major friendships in the past 2 years. The situations were entirely separate from each other, and both caused by normal happenings caused by life shifts. But, they dampened my spirits about friendship. And left me wondering lots of things that I realized I didn't know:

  • What does it mean to "be a good friend", according to the Lord? 
  • How can I be a better friend to those around me? 
  • What boundaries should I have for the people in my life? 
  • What expectations should I have for my friends, and acquaintances? 
  • How much effort is the right amount of effort to put into a person that I want to be friends with? 
  • How much effort should I reasonably expect back from the person I'm putting effort into?
  • How can I not take friendships ending personally, but instead maturely and with wisdom? 
And many more. 
It's been an area that I have felt convicted to seek the Lord on. I know SOME things about friendship that are directly quoted in Scripture off the top of my head. But I want to go deeper. I don't necessarily understand how the concept of those verses, and even the concept of Christ's work directly applies to my personal encounters with people. So, I'd like to find a few books on the subject and seek the Lord in prayer as I meditate on verses on the subject as well. 

I did this same thing recently with the concept of Forgiveness and it helped me immensely! 
Perhaps, depending on how I feel in the coming months of pregnancy, I will post about my discoveries and developments on the subject as way to perhaps stay accountable and committed to the mission.

Coloring while at Course Coffee Roasters

That is all I have for now, friends. I will try to post regularly, and even on my usual Wednesdays, when I can. I know that life will continue to shift as I get farther along in the pregnancy, and I may not feel up to doing everything I really want to. 
But have no fear, I am here. In the background of this blog, living life! You, reader, just don't know it! I will post when I can.
Until next time... 

~ Amaris // ☆




Thursday, October 31, 2024

Quotes // ... also hello

Today I decided to go through some of my old blog drafts. 
Let me just tell you.... I was absolutely astounded at the sheer amount of The Hobbit, LotR, and Poldark posts that didn't get posted in the 2016-2016 era, I am afraid to look at how many actually did get posted! Dare I look through the archives...??

Looking through my old drafts was like an eerie trip down memory lane. It's been so long since I've thought about some of those old things I used to enjoy doing. I honestly can't believe that my life and identity tried so hard to revolve around what I was watching or reading. 
Back in the old blogging days, I remember feeling intimidated by the amount of good blogs that I followed and who followed me, that I wanted to post content that blended in with what everyone else was posting!
Of course, I actually did like those things, but I felt this pressure to post. Not from someone, but from myself.
I'm not completely sure what the threat was. I knew that I was not supposed to be different. Or, maybe I just had a lack of authentic creativity, I needed to take inspiration from others to be interesting? I don't know, the blogs I followed were so good, I wanted my blog to be the same!

Being my authentic self has been something that I've struggled with for a long time in life. I think it stems originally from growing up in a controlling household that promoted legalism and shame towards differences, rather than embracing differences. If I could tell my ultra-conservative upbringing one thing (although let's be honest, there's many things I would tell it), it's that not all differences are bad. 
If I want to listen to rock music in my bedroom, that shouldn't be something to yell at. 
Man, if my childhood could have had more pop punk music! But in those days, even confidence in children was something looked down upon. If a child was too confident, they were "a brat" or they were "bouncing off the walls". 
 
Looking back at all of my old posts, talking about things that I actually did enjoy doing, I'm struck by how much of myself I've forgotten. 

The time period of 2019 through 2022 changed me completely as a person because of several major life occurances, and some traumas brought on by, I'll just come clean, manipulative and controlling family members. And I feel like ever since 2022, the changes and decisions have only intensified, building up on each other. 
Through it all, I feel like a part of me went into hibernation, just to get through it. As a result, there are entire chunks of my life I just don't remember. I live days wondering who I am, and where I came from. In the intensity of difficulty, my brain chooses to forget. It's my cope, and it's something I've realized and been trying to heal. 
The good news is, there is healing. I am slowly remembering. I'll randomly remember pieces and instances of my childhood (the good ones!) and I'll excitedly tell my husband "I'm getting another memory!" And I'll also fight against it. For example, if in the middle of a difficult conversation, dare I say, at times "argument" with my husband, I'll catch and stop myself shutting down and instead do the right thing in the moment. Not always, however!

And at this point of my life, it feels like there are so many easy distractions at our fingertips to help us dissociate and forget what we are going through. Emotionally drained? Just scroll. It's an easy fix with dopamine hits sure to satisfy... in the short term at least. 
I too have been guilty of falling down this pattern of destructive habits that is the swirling vortex void of the internet and all it's distractions from the mundane. 

But, here's a thought, what if life is supposed to be boring? 
What if the mundane is utterly, purely blessed? 
What if the day in and day out, is a holy process, filled with meaning and life? 
I've decided I don't want to miss out on that. 

Also the fact that I'm finding it harder to have an original thought. 
My mind will blank in the middle of conversation, I will even avoid conversations about controversial or difficult topics because I don't trust myself to voice the reason of my own convictions, my own opinions even. Which is odd considering I'm an opinionated person. 

No more! In the coming days, including the here and now, my desire is to pursue focus, purpose, intentionality, and authenticity. 
I'm coaxing my psyche and my body that there is no more reason to be afraid, there is no more trauma to worry about. I have cut off the toxic people in my life. Difficult decisions, to be sure, but it turns out they are the most life giving decisions I have made. I have reached a point of healing where I'm figuring out how to shift from surviving to thriving, now that I don’t have to worry about it. 

I have already gained so much maturity in myself that even I can see it, in the year's time since I went no-contact. The boundaries have been fully and firmly held, and my emotional well being has done nothing to thank me for it ever since. 
I feel like a prisoner set free! No longer controlled. No longer shamed. No longer the receiver of unwanted opinions and judgments. 
I have my husband, I have my baby, I have my apartment, I have my job, and I have my walk with GOD, which has ALWAYS been there for me. 

Even in the crazy days of 2020 and 2021, where the vibrancy of my walk with GOD reached an intensity that I had never experienced before or since. 

I should share my 2020 testimony sometime! It started by dating in all the wrong people and it ended... with GOD. And also, surprisingly, a husband! Which I did not expect at all!
Will save this for another day. 
I promise to start posting more often. 
In the name of getting back into my old self, and finishing things that were left undone from years gone by.  
From the real me, this time. On my journey of authenticity and healing!

Starting with, this collection of quotes that was in my drafts, from 8/16/19.

Until next post ...

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"How Christians live is directly related to their concept of God."
-John MacArthur, "The MacArthur Study Bible, Acts 16"


"What comes into our minds when we think about God is the most important thing about us."
-A.W. Tozer


"The legs in the stocks feel nothing when the heart is in heaven."
-John MacArthur, "The MacArthur Study Bible, Acts 16"


"The world wants you to be entertained by sin as if it is a recreation or right and not a poison." 
-Bible Study Fellowship Notes for 2 Samuel 13-18


"A whole lot of what we call struggling is simply delayed obedience."
-Elizabeth Elliot


"How could love bring such overflowing joy and such deep heartache at the same time?"
-Where We Belong, by Lynn Austin


"A man is what he thinks about all day long"
-Ralph Waldo Emerson


"Rockbottom will teach you things that mountain tops never will." 
-Unknown


“What they’re not sorry for, they’re bound to repeat” 
-Unknown


“If you’re going to grow, something has to be taken off and something has to be put in its place. That’s what we do when we change clothes. That’s why we refer to this as the principle of replacement.” 
-Steve Viars on Ephesians 4 (from Sex, Purity, and the Longings of a Girl's Heart by Bethany Beal and Kristen Clark page 179)


“The devil wrapped in silk is still the devil” 
-Unknown

-Amaris ☆ //
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